I was made for Afternoons

tidal waves from behind . . .

2011-08-21T12:09:00.000+08:00

joe cocker and the mad dogs

grace the player

saturday night was bowling lanes

with les enfants

fedoras grace the hat-stand

black for winter

straw for summer

my t-shirt advertises

long since forgotten japanese rock shows

skinny ties are worn

for formal occasions

along with

ancient doc martens

princess collects tea set antiques

while the prince

pursues futuristic

eighties cartoons

ancient liturgies are celebrated with passion

latin is beginning to be understood

books from childhood are revisited.

i cook from elizabeth david

and consider riding

my bicycle more

this retro life-

is it escape from our modern madness malady

by retreat

to an idolised past?

a passing fancy?

or is dwelling in the present moment

only possible

whilst looking behind?

Ministry Survival Skills - Part 2

2011-07-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

"To avoid one's brokenness is to turn one's back on the possibility that the Healer might be at work here, perhaps for you, perhaps for another" Robert Benson

From here

Maybe this means being honest about my lack of time, my unsteadyness, my busy-ness, my difficultly with slowing down so I can be really present . . . When I can do this, then I can invite others in, fully aware of the "I", then able to come to others without some of the baggage . . .

Ministry Survival Skills - Part 1

2011-07-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

I am keeping my eyes open for bits and pieces which can help form an underpinning for my minstry work. Here's todays:

"Make no doubt about it, the ability to listen to another, to sit silently in the presence of God, to give sober heed, and to ponder is the nucleus . . . ” Joan Chittister OSB

From here.

back to the beginning . . . again

2011-07-11T13:09:00.007+08:00

Term has just ended and I am at the beginning of a two week stretch of holidays.

I feel spent emotionally, spiritually, physically - and on top of that, I just turned 42, and unusually for me, I am not sure how I feel about that - just pretty bland actually.

Ministry certainly has it's highs and lows and the last 6 months have taught me both where my strengths lie (working with people, hearing their stories and sharing their journey) and my weaknesses (my seeming inability to say no, not being able to jump from context to context as easily as I once did, not keeping my inner life nourished when stress creeps in).

Not being one to easily keep resolutions, I am thinking about what I can put in place to keep me on a far more even keel in the future. My work place have certainly listened to my concerns and my recent appraisal suggested that I be given more time in m job for reflection and spirituality work. Despite all of this, I still have to have both the fortitude and the grace to do it!

I have been working on a personal vision statement which is certainly helpful, and I am going to pick up some spiritual leadership training as well during the rest of the year. All of this will offer me much I am sure, but the hours of silent prayer, of lectio divina, of Eucharist, seem to be more and more likely to be the key. I remember a very wise monk, now an abbot, talking to me about the Liturgy of the Hours. His comment was something along the lines of "When you are going to pray, how does it fit with whatever else is going on in your life?". It's taken me years to work that one through but now prayer seems like it has to be the centre out of which all the rest will flow - because without it, I draw on my own too human resources, and end up, well . . . Here.

Eyes into Easter

2011-04-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

Since I was received into the Catholic Church in 2002, one of the Easter traditions of our family is to make the journey to Holy Trinity Abbey, New Norcia, with some of our extended family, and our closest friends – aging from 2 to 70! We go to pray with our friends the monks and spend time together but most particularly to participate in the Great vigil of Easter.

Now, at most parishes, the Vigil is celebrated on the Evening prior to Easter Day. Not so with the Monks. It’s early. 4:30 am to be precise. And the Vigil takes a while. Never much short of 2 ½ hours. We hear all the readings of our salvation history, light candles, splash Holy Water around and there is often a Baptism or Reception into the church as well.

As with most liturgy, the Adults have grown into it through the years. We sing, read, play music and are involved in other ways with great thankfulness and privilege. Watching the little ones grow into the liturgy is a greater joy. None of our children can remember a time when they hadn’t attended the Vigil – and as they have grown into it their participation and their prayerfullness has increased.

Initially we would arrange for the children to come over after the Liturgy of the Word (which involved someone running across town to go and get them - but technology has made life much easier!) Now, as their parents suffer the inevitable tiredness of middle age, the children are leading the way – eager to be present for the blessing of the Paschal candle, processing into the church, sitting in silence, joining in the singing, taking a full part in the Ritual actions.

I have had to learn that we don’t have to explain to the children why we are processing or lighting candles or being blessed with water or why the celebrants are wearing rich golden vestments. They get it. They couldn’t explain it, justify it or theologize it. But it’s there in their faces. The Risen one is somehow very close to them. That’s why they want to be there. That’s the magic, and the mystery, of Liturgy.

Easter is a transformation of our entire being – our hearts, our spirits, our minds. Fine Liturgy and the eyes of children, might just take me there.

neil n the ball

2011-04-02T11:17:00.000+08:00

Last night the ball

The kids out in all their finery

God-daughter to-be looking lovely

(Dress by Aunty Pru, shoes courtesy of Maisey)

Convivial conversation

Much ooh and ahh over

dresses n suity attire

I wander around

A little lost

A little amused

Nice moment getting photos with a few kids

Connection and moving on

all combined in a picture

Real alpha and omega stuff

My mind wanders about

Hopes

Dreams

Past

Present

Future

Mine

and theirs

Driving home,

After watching them parade through

for dinner

then doof-doof,

I suddenly felt

Very old.

Am I just carrying the old ways?

how do i offer these

bright young things

hope n wisdom?

questions too big for a Friday night

i turn up Neil Young

make my home

through shimmering evening city lights

thankful for the journey

for love

and my companions

here, but not now

2011-02-20T09:58:00.000+08:00

head exploding
full of plans
pulling me this way
n that
all about

whats next

what are the options
no more study
time to do some living
perhaps some changing
what do the next 20 years hold?
where do i want to live?
how can i follow my passions?
what is worth pursuing?
what parts of my life need a desperate prune?
what is life giving
healing
loving?

there is an urgency here somewhat
perhaps i'm a little preemptive
but I see time
slip slip slipping away

there is so much beauty to see
so many experiences yet to have
but
its not all chasing
part of me feels the need to jump
(but not off a bridge my friends)
to cast off
to let go
and see where i land

holding all this in tension
with a beautiful girl
the prince and the poet
n the hound
the basic needs of life
can make it seem
impossible
but to set aside
will not help
this river keeps flowing
the voice keep whispering
the heart keeps calling

perhaps
as old Joe Campbell said
it really is about
following your bliss

expect the unexpected my friends!

retreat 101 - slow it down

2011-02-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

150kms North of Perth, I am on retreat at New Norcia.

Love been here - it is quiet, ordered and offers space for reflection, and of course, prayer.
But I am finding that this time, it is hard to settle in.
I suspect this is the result of a frenetic first week at school,
and some of the inner stuff that I came here to address.

The pervading questions I have on my mind are "Where am I heading" and "Whats next?"

This is not the first time for these query's however.

In the past they generally led to a change of job, and in a big move, to joining the Catholic Church.
This feels slightly different.

I love my job, the many different people I work with, and the personal growth that come out of these close relationships. I couldn't imagine a better place for me right now.

I love my family and social life. My immediate family are incredible, and my friends faithful and life-giving.

I think I am talking about vision. Maybe I am asking:

What is my legacy?
Have I actually bought something to this world?
I am becoming the man that I think I need to be?

I am Benedictine enough to not rush into easy answers to these questions.
Sitting with them in the light of scripture, of tradition, of others wisdom will help.

So will not taking them too seriously!

Strange journey this life . . . .

Cassian Part 1

2011-01-14T15:12:00.001+08:00

In this no-mans land of Ordinary Time until Ash Wednesday, I am turning to the Philokalia - a collection of Spiritual writing form the Orthodox East. Whilst I have had a copy sitting on my shelves for years, this is the first time I have read it with any intent. I am especially looking at Cassians "on the eight vices". John Cassian is an important figure in monastic life, his Conferences and Institutes containing teaching which still resonates across the Monastic East and West. "The Eight Vices" is a reflection on those areas in our lives which bring us pain and suffering (perhaps we could even say sin?) because we fail to address them in the light of the spirit.

Day 1: On Control of the Stomach.

To eat moderately and reasonably is to keep the body in health, not to deprive it of holiness

Cassian show his sense of balance immediately, beginning this discussion about the use and misuse of food immediately. Not everyone can follow the same rule of eating, fasting or diet. We are all different and what is appropriate for one is not necessarily appropriate for another. He does give a few guidelines however. We should fast, but not too much. It is ok to be a little hungry, it might even be good. Getting our relationship with food right is fundamental to how we will deal with other issues (the other 7 vices!) when we struggle with them.

What about me and you? We live in love/hate food culture. Celebrity chefs vie with Anorexia stories in magazines, fast food company's sponsor sports events, and wine is reviewed in daily papers next to stories about increasing alcoholism and binge drinking. Everyone is cooking gourmet or following the next trendy diet.

The middle way is as usual, probably the best. Food and wine are great, but not if we become (as the Buddhists would say) attached to them - failing to be present to the moment of taste and enjoyment and instead allowing the food to dictate something else to us about our status, our happiness or our importance. I need to learn to be able to enjoy a three course meal with matching wines as much as a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of plain rice. For monks, Cassian would encourage not over indulging too much, and this is a lesson that I can learn too.

I have a dear friend who is very good at making ethical decisions about food part of her shopping and cooking planning. She has encouraged me to think more deeply about where my food comes from and how it was produced. Cassian would be in accord with this, especially if it helps us to live less selfishly and more in-tune with our local and global brothers and sisters.

Now whats for dinner?

post nativity lull 101

2010-12-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

the lull continues

08 09

just days of distant past

another man

another life

same issues

same gifts

less strength perhaps

more insight hopefully

deeper if not wider

still keeping the flame

still asking why

still wanting more

still wanting it all

dreaming

hoping

praying

looking for the secret key

looking through the dross

looking for signs

of love

of life

these days of christmas

the day itself slip sliding away

continue

the celebration

we cook

we eat

we drink

we share with friends

we recover

we sleep -

lots

- the heat suffocating

the sport awful

pages if new books turned

music played repeatedly

emails ignored

happy christmas season my friends n fiends

god be

with

you

december heart

2010-12-18T21:21:00.000+08:00

my soul is tired
but
my hands want to keep being busy
my mind restless
but
full of plans

the days of christmas and summer
stretch before me
like
fresh paper
a beach in winter
a monks cell

these days of opportunity
a paradox
to not do:
is to heal
is to just be:
frustrating
leaving the year behind and moving forward
a challenge.

Sleep.
Wine.
Silence.
Prayer.
Zen.
Friends.
Walks.
Love.

My solution.

into the great blue yonder

2010-11-21T16:31:00.001+08:00

day of sun
of coffee
and pancakes
of endurance
through long afternoons
(Which as you are aware -
I was made for)

today's theme at the temple
life after death
the great wide open
(to quote Tom P)
the beyond
when love finally conquers all . . .
strange how death
brings up so many emotions for us
fear
dread
denial

as if that breath you just took
will go on forever

the older i get
the less i fear
perhaps I am just fooling myself
but
there is nothing to fear
in the hands of
the mystery
in the end
there is only
love

to be loved
is to be held
to be safe
to be known
for who you truly are

St Iraneus used to say
be fully alive
for there is no greater return
for the gift of life
i want to feel it all
to go deep
to do the really true stuff
to discover who
I am
who you are
sometimes
this is all too much
it requires too much leaving
too much unknowing
which makes me panic
and freeze

but we must go on

when the last breath is taken
the last tear cried
the last word spoken
i want to go into the mystery
with no regrets
but only thanks
and joy.

been quite a day.
peace.

love and the long road

2010-11-16T20:38:00.000+08:00

some days just
blah
who am i kidding?
what do i know about
entering the mystery?
about anything actually
i get insecure
i get lost
i get confused
i stuff up
i stuff down
two steps forward and one step back
now, i know freends
this is just the way of it
but
geezzzzzeeee
you'd think after all this time
on the road
i'd be a little surer
a little sounder.

this way of
casting off is
not the easy path
its the listening game
to yourself
to the other
to the mystery
only travelling with what
is needed
the one word
the single sign
the burning coal

i do know
i believe
in love
this stays with me
when everything else
seems to leave
i'm a sucker for the romantic
the boy meets girl magic
makes the world go round
and if it goes right
then we are all
the better for it
its only the little story
of the big one
the love which enfolds
sustains
creates
forgives
and renews
but still
it matters
to me.

i hope you are in love
my friends.
i hope that love
fills you with hope
joy n
peace.

:)

transfiguration

2010-11-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

Land flies by

a white sphere carrying the future generations

father son and princess

southerly direction

the great highway opens before us:

the future

the present

the past

all meld into one

flying through the outback

suburbs blur

train lines join and straighten

great power line monsters pace their way

across acres of subdivision

and chalk markings

children cry

puppy alternates between wake and sleep

we visit the elders

we cook and talk and

discuss the old time

the puppy brings some joy to the bed bound

the children bring joy to them all

I sit and take it all in

for once aware of the moment

of its awe

of its mystery

these days will not always be

these too will pass away

i will be left

i will grieve

and i too will pass away

in that moment

I thought of all those I love

of my dearest friends and companions

of the great love mystery

which enacted us to be drawn together

i was thankful

i was awed

i was humbled

by all the love shown to me

you who read this

are part of this mystery too

for your friendship

thankyou

for your journey

my blessings

for your love –

mine in return.

gather

2010-11-09T12:48:00.001+08:00

today was a gathering
a meeting
a celebration
for some.
sometimes
- in truth, often -
it is hard enter
the mystery
at corporate rituals.
simplicity is lost
replaced by fussiness
a sense of unnatural drama
inane music
but it is
all of a high quality
which is what
the world demands

i long to again
tread
the abbeys quiet boards
to softly chant the ancient lines
to still the body
quiet the mind
allow space
and time
to speak to me
not continuously rally against
people and systems
that don't understand
or want to enter
the depths.

aching shoulders
bear the days burdens
even when
there is nothing
worth carrying.

sat, err, day

2010-11-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

days lengthen
my nights creep
slowly shorter
early morning calls
courtesy of the new infant canine
papers and caffeine
the rituals to mark
another day

week ends
what a seven days
celebration and pain
mystery and mayhem
young and old
births and deaths
beginnings and endings
friendship
hope
loss
light
darkness

in its centre
i stand
some sort of spiritual hobo

worn

yet alive
bringing old gifts
of truth
trust
comfort
and love
sometimes tearful
sometimes bemused
sometimes
just
me

its been a week
if i erred with you friends
my apologies
and if i helped
thank
your deity.

three eleven

2010-11-03T14:29:00.000+08:00

beginnings of heat

desert wind n uncomfortableness

the western south land

hides in their transport

their castles

their place of employ

the young are sent out

under guise of health

only to wilt gently

amongst themselves

these days

the drought of the soul

parched land

even though summer has just begun

bleeding life

energy

from all it touches

I would chase autumn if I could

winter n darkness

not this endless light n heat

restlessness

is all pervasive

from fitful sleeps to

days filled with a sort of dread

the heat becomes

all consuming

all powerful

all resistance is useless

I give into its pull

its gentle allure

promises of slowness

and sleep

and I gradually

fade

away

Well Hung

2010-08-24T14:46:00.001+08:00

Why Australia should see a hung parliament as a sign of growing up.

So, finally, it’s over. One of the most boring, nasty and downright uninspiring election campaigns this country has ever seen. Neither major party had much to say, apart from repeatedly publically denigrating the other on issues large, small and irrelevant. The result? A thoughtful and generally unimpressed public made the decision we all foresaw: a tie. Choosing the best from a bad bunch had never been more difficult.

The next few days and weeks will be a monumental time in Australian politics, with the possibilities of major political and social change, not to mention the balance of power in the lower house, lying with the four or five independent and minor parties. Will our political system be able to cope with the possibilities of the two established parties no longer been able to call the shots, and issues which feature broadly in regional and country Australia for once been given legitimate consideration and action.

This situation hasn’t occurred in Australia for the last seventy years, but has become a more common event in state politics and many overseas elections. Whilst a negative view may hold that hung parliaments are a sign of lackluster campaigns and politicians, a more positive view may be that Australians are longing for real political choice and no longer find the broad policy strokes of the major parties palatable. We are, politically speaking, growing up.

Take for instance the Green option. Whilst I personally found much of their policy unfathomable, especially their massive reduction in funding to Catholic schools, their willingness to put the climate change and water issues front and centre, especially as the major parties fought internally over the issue, made them the obvious choice to many. Despite what politicians may think, or focus groups might tell us, people are concerned about what the future holds for their lives, and the lives of coming generations. The majors forgot this at their peril.

The election of Independents also tells a story. Regional and Country Australia, our food bowl, the location of much of our myth and our soul, is generally either forgotten or patronized during election campaigns. These electorates are beginning to put their trust elsewhere. Positively, these elected representatives are also passionate about changes to the very parliamentary system which is creaking under its own weight as you read. Their influence may well provide models and new style governments for future generations.

I seriously doubt that we are in danger of losing secure and stable government in this country. The results of this election, however, may be the beginning of something deeper and greater than we have seen in Australian politics for a long time – a multi-party government who will make significant change, incorporating an open-minded and sustainable future for all Australians, urban and rural. It’s been a long time coming.

Mad Men 101

2010-08-14T12:58:00.002+08:00

Thanks to a conservative blog for peace I have become quite intrigued by with US series “Mad men”. For most Australians this is quite an unknown program, the second series being premiered this Sunday night on specialized broadcaster SBS, leaving us well behind the US which is currently airing the fourth series.

For those who don’t know, Mad Men takes place in the early 1960’s, varying its setting between the main characters Advertising office workspace, their homes and social lives. As the series progresses we discover that the characters are not at all what they seem, both outwardly and inwardly, as we journey with them through the historical events and changing social patterns which have influenced so much of our modern culture.

It is this historical element which captured me. The ways husbands, wives and children inter-related. The constant smoking and drinking. The more relaxed pace of life. Infidelity and the subsequent risks and consequences. Psycho-analysis just beginning to enter the main stream. The fashion - men in suits, ties, hats and cufflinks. Women in dresses and smarts suits. No seatbelts. Jazz. Dope. Cars with fins. Summer family holidays. The attention to detail is quite startling and creates a convincing sense of time travel.

Being a 60’s aficionado, it didn’t take much to pull me in, but what is so clever about Mad Men is that unlike the “Wonder Years”, no rosy pictures are painted, life is seen as it was with all its complexity, shortcomings, joys, hopes and dreams. Despite its lack of any deep morality or unselfishness, watching Mad men leaves me with a wistfulness for that time and perhaps unrealistically, for a way of living which seems to be long since gone.

What do I think I am missing, either in reality or mystique? People being concerned with dressing well, and actually considering another human being. Opportunities for real interaction, with offices that socialized and families that did things together. Kids having time to BE kids and play outdoors and with each other, rather than staring at screens. The world being a new place and new science and thinking changing and improving the life of the ordinary person. Travelling by public transport and having time to think, to ponder and reflect.

Maybe I am a romantic, but it seems like it was easier to live this way in the past. The next question is a common one these days - Can we reclaim them somehow? In this, like most things, I am a moderate. The past is not all unwaveringly good and I certainly wouldn’t like to live without many modern conveniences. But I can try and live with more space and with humanity, leaving time for me and for others. I can enjoy simplicity for its own sake. I can live my own path.

Side Line Conversations

2010-08-02T13:39:00.002+08:00

Or why religion should never be discussed during the soccer.

Friday and Saturday are all about soccer in our house. The prince plays indoors on Friday nights (which he loves) and outdoors early on Saturday morning (about which he, is fairly ambivalent about because it interrupts his café breakfast and tv time). He plays in a local “Christian” League (read here: Protestant). It suits us because the games are on Saturday and that means we can still get to Mass with the kids and at least have Sundays as some sort of rest day.

After a few weeks of standing on the sidelines you get to know a few of the other parents who brave the early winter mornings. The usual questions as follows: What do you do? (A sort of Chaplain) Oh okay, Where? (an inner city school). Isn’t that a catholic school? (Yes it is). Insert long pause here. So are you a catholic? (mumble. Yes - a convert). Insert longer pause. You should talk to so and so’s dad. He’s a catholic too I think – but he goes to a charismatic church (hmmmmm. This makes him tolerable apparently). Then follows the usual discussion about catholic schools, popes, theology and Mary, etc etc etc. Yawn.

I find it best to play my Catholicism fairly close to my chest in this sort of situations. Not that I am embarrassed or scared, but when faced with open criticism of my particular choice, it often leads to uncomfortable discussions on both sides, especially if I am feeling particularly grumpy or prickly.

What gives rise to these sorts of interactions? Is it a deeply held belief that the other is wrong? The roles here could have been easily reversed. Is it a cultural imperative that this is just what “we” (whatever our group) do? Is it laziness or boredom, or merely a conversation starter?

Whatever the reason, the deeper implications of this type of approach have me troubled. In a post-Christian world people of faith need a deeper ecumenism than the surface “events” that seem to pass for it. Protestants, Catholics and Orthodox need each other more than they know. As my parents often said,” What unites us is more than what divides us”. Our following of Christ should be the starting of our unity. What those outside the church see is people who stand for peace fighting and bickering about some finer points of theology which have little appeal outside of theological faculties and some blog forums (in which everyone seems to be an expert).

Obviously as a convert I have my reasons for preferring Catholicism to other forms of Christianity. However does this mean that I need to rebuke or challenge those who aren't, especially as I just begin to know them? Not in my book. The God of love is relational and respecting. So should I be. After all, following the master means taking seriously “See how those Christians love one another”.

The boys lost 1-0. Bugger.

Time time time, look what’s become of me ...

2010-07-25T20:21:00.001+08:00

The kids were back to school this week, and it is a fairly well established fact the first week of term is designed to make teachers forget that they had a holiday at all. Last week was no exception – work was busy with the usual things, there were music and sport events for the prince and poet, social interactions to attend, study to complete and the weekly round of shopping, cleaning and cooking. Nothing out of the ordinary for a middle class family.

Why then, are we always so tired?

For most people I know, the working week goes by in a flurry, leaving Friday night and weekends for a round of vapid social events, home maintenance and some time with the kids. Which leaves only Sunday to prepare for the next draining five days.

Is this any way to live a life?

What ever happened to Music, Dance or Art? Restaurants are busier than ever but they push patrons through with a startling rapidity leaving no time to enjoy a lingering meal over a decent conversation (and it goes without saying a decent bottle of red). We all seem to be struggling to find time for exercise, for eating right, for reading and for maintaining relationships, houses and an inner life.

No wonder people are looking for alternative ways to live. Down sizing was a popular catch-phrase a while ago. Sea changers are on the rise. We talk about family friendly work places and buy books to improve our work/life balance.

What’s wrong?

In a word, depth. Over filling our schedules leaves each experience running into the next without space for reflection. We have no time for integration; we seek more and more experience to meet our longings. Our lives become one solitary event in which the invitation was birth and the only way to leave is in a wooden box. For the meantime, run from thing to thing until you just . . . run . . . out . . . . of . . . .time . . . .

Drive 150km North from my place. You’ll come to a Spanish style town in the middle of outback Western Australia. New Norcia. Like monasteries around the world, their guesthouse is regularly packed and my friends the monks spend a lot of their time talking about the inner life – and especially, balance.

The monastic life has a lot of wisdom to offer the world. There is time to work, to study, to eat, to be silent, to reflect. Balance. Stability. What matters is now – how I am relating to myself, to my brothers and sisters, and to the wider world. Everything else will be there again tomorrow!

I really want to get off this treadmill and I want to teach my kids to do it too. So we visit the monks. And learn to say no.

Pax Vobiscum

Why cooking is the new Rock n Roll.

2010-07-18T12:15:00.000+08:00

Maybe Jamie, Nigella or George and Gary can save our lives

I was lucky to grow up in a family in which food was something to be cherished and valued. I remember being vaguely pleased, if a little surprised, at been given a pig’s ear by a friendly butcher at the Vic Markets as a little boy, when we went for weekly supplies. Food was part of the fabric of our lives and the meals ranged from hot curries to stir fries to roasts with all the trimmings, not to mention the traditional Friday night fish and chips from the jovial Greek fishmonger up the road.

Flashback, Australia in the 1970’s. Most of my friends were been served a steady diet of meat and three vege for dinner and polony sauce sandwiches for lunch. Wine was for the Europeans, beer for Aussies and the only time you saw Roast Chicken was in a greasy KFC wrapper or on the dining table at Christmas. But changes were soon to come.

My own food journey began when I first moved out of home. I cooked the dishes I grew up with and then discovered Charmaine Solomon (who once cooked in my food savvy Godmother’s kitchen) and a whole variety of Asian dishes. The arrival of the little ones bought a love of all things Italian (including Marzella Kazan) and presently to my current love of Elizabeth David and French food in general.

Food seems to dominate not only my life, but also that of our friends and family. Who is cooking and drinking what is a staple of our conversation. The latest “Masterchef” or Nigella episode is discussed, along with where to get the best organic chickens, and what sort of deals the wine merchant is doing at moment.

The kids are at it too. Café smart from day one, they move from Babycinos to risotto, calamari, and cheese platters. They save their pocket money to buy kids cooking books and magazines. My oldest, the poet, has cooked potato and leek soup and Neenish tarts in the last month. Recently I heard that one of her friends had held a cooking them
ed birthday party.

While the baby boomers turned to musicians to get life direction, we now seem to look to the chefs. When they advocate quality products, local growers and producers, along with healthy eating, the fast food industry is delivered quite a serve and the seeds of economic and cultural growth are planted. Cooking is also essentially a community activity – generally we are cooking for more than just ourselves. Perhaps the days of gathering around the table for a meal are resurging thanks to the cooking craze, and will serve as an antidote to the cyber isolation which plagues many of us.

The last word has to come from a father with two older teen sons being interviewed after a Jamie Oliver live show. He credited Jamie as getting his boys into cooking, and preventing them getting into the dysfunctional behavior of their mates. He was almost in tears with gratitude.

Buon appetito!!

Long time gone – or why being a forty something matters

2010-07-14T09:42:00.000+08:00

The aim of this page is to write about 500 words a week about something which matters to me, and maybe you too . . .

I turned 41 a week ago – but save your celebration or tears and call me a therapist.

Last year I celebrated the beginning of my midlife with friends and wine and music at a friendly inner city café. It was a great night and some time later I thought “40’s don’t seem so bad, let the adventure begin!” I was in good health, I had plans, I was more financially secure than ever, I was loved, I was happy. 2011 finds me with all of that still holding true, Global Financial Crisis notwithstanding.

Despite all these positives, I can’t seem to shake a nagging sense of worry about myself, and about the future. The experts have been telling us for years (and please don’t expect me to quote them directly) that the world is changing at an ever-increasing rate, and that we’d all better get used to it. I can almost feel it in my bones. What worry’s me is not change, I’m a gen x’er after all, but watching how those of a similar age around me are coping with it all.

One option seems to be ( and no finger pointing here) to try and make yourself as young as possible and try ignoring that aging happens at all - party like a 20-something, get “Inked” (tattoos), go to an endless procession of younger bands and nightclubs, wear all the latest “youth” clothing. Whilst I certainly still enjoy a drink or three, and love my music loud, I am actually glad that period of my life is over and have absolutely no desire to back!

On the other hand, you could grab a cardigan and a good book and never go out again. After all there is much to be disappointed about. Today’s music is rubbish, people are rude, Television has nothing on to like, and there is just not enough energy to do anything anyway. This is the fall back position, and I suspect we have all been there. Whilst living this way is safe and warm, I want a little more out of life that what it offers.

Being a musician of sorts, I looked to my heroes to see how they are holding up, both personally and artistically, in the face of the inevitable. Neil Finn, Steve Kilbey, Neil Young, the Steely Dan boys and especially Joni Mitchell and David Byrne (from Talking Heads), all seem to have kept, despite their sometimes flawed humanity, a personal and artistic integrity. They have kept relationships on track and taken care of their physicality. No longer teen idols, they have matured and remained relevant by bringing their experienced and self-reflective voices to their work.

So as usual, I am walking down the middle of the road, dodging the traffic in both directions: don’t want to be a teenager, but I’m not ready for the retirement home yet either. Maybe that’s the hope for me. Whilst I struggle to inhabit the space between youth and old age with integrity and passion, at least I know I’m alive and growing. Settling for anything less may as well mean the beginning of the end .

Changes well afoot.

2010-07-13T13:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Friends,

In a desperate attempt to try and remain hip and relevant, I am giving a spring clean to some elements of this page so that it reflects my current interests, passions and misdirected beliefs.

I am always open to your recommendations however.

Stay tuned.

Chris

41.

2010-07-06T12:56:00.000+08:00

well well

here we again

time is slipping

n here is the future

quick recount

41 years

wife

prince n poet

music

coffee

great coffee actually

food

wine

friends

loving god

work

study

home

not a bad collection really

but

like a shadow

only in the brightest of lights

out of the corner of my eye

skulking in a a corner

change is beckoning . . . .

socrates question continues

with a deeper significance

as the years become decades

“how shall I live”

ponder: what does that mean

live: this question

reality: am I happy? What have a missed?

are my ethics ok?

do I know why I do the things I do?

how are my relationships?

what about the mystic transcendent life?

how do I spend my cash?

have I taught the prince and poet how to live deeply and freely?

regrets . . . I’ve had a few

but

this treadmill life

makes me weary

I get my energy in the cold

In the rain n sleet

I need to time to rest n study n cook

but life demands work work work

who decided this was ok?

who decided that to have time to be either equals no money

or obscene amounts?

Shhhhh man.

Breathe

Your 41 now

Remember the lessons you’ve learnt

Be gentle with yourself and others

Live for the moment

Tomorrow, as you friend said,

Will take care of itself

Love deeply and truly

pay that price

For nothing else will satisfy

Gift lavishly

Express in music song and word

Listen to

others

the voice beyond all voices

and late 60’s bands

you’ll be ok

even if you are

Heroes of Distant Days.

2010-05-17T14:02:00.059+08:00

To badly misuse C S Lewis, "A middle aged man can't be too carefully with his reading". Or more importantly, beware what you take home with you from the Abbey! In my usual raiding of the Abbey reading room ( I am very spoilt in been allowed to borrow from the monks) I came across this large tomb, "Literary Converts".

A great book. A fantastic read. Food for my soul. It recounts the spiritual journeys, generally to the Roman Catholic Church but not exclusively, from the late 19th centuries until the last quarter of the 20th. Great writers and great people are discussed. Tolkien, Lewis, G K Chesterton, Hilaire Belloc, Ronald Knox, C S Lewis, Graeme Green, Evelyn Waugh and so the list goes on.

As I look back, I think reading the Narnia series changed me and started this journey. Inside, it made me long for something. Something mysterious and perhaps, just out of reach. I have talked before about this being a sense of "Northerness", a need for myth and light and cold. There is something in these writers which impacts me deeply, and brings me to within inches of the long-fored place. A humour. An intellect. A certainty, but also a light touch. Honesty. True humanity. A catholicity of life which I find sadly missing from many Christians which I both read and encounter. Imagination and possibility.

But still yet more. These were, on the whole, pre-Vatican II Catholics. Their faith was generally traditional, their liturgy in Latin, their devotions, the Rosary and the Saints. Fasting. Fish on Fridays. Pilgrimages. But all through an English lens. I have always considered myself a Vatican II catholic. I hold to much of the reform, the re-imaging if you like, of what the foundations of the faith might look like now. My reading of "Literary Converts" has not so much undermined this belief, as broadened it. Perhaps I need to experience the mass in Latin, to know the traditional (i.e. Pre-Vatican II) practise of the faith better.

Who would have thought the road would lead to here?

what do i believe

2010-04-16T11:25:00.006+08:00

In these post easter days I have been reading extensively on (soon to be Saint) John Henry Cardinal Newman. My love for Newman stems from his influence on the anglo-catholic spiritual heritage of the first part of my life, who along with his brothers Pusey and Keble, sought to bring the fullness of the Catholic faith to what was at the time, an all pervading evangelical Anglicanism.

Newman was a reluctant to be received into the church, as was I initially, but his continued reading and praying, like me, led him there. John Henry was on a constant search to find the sources of the faith, and was especially influenced by the early Greek and Latin Fathers.

Reading Newman seriously, in both historical and spiritual writings has impressed on me the importance of really understanding why I believe the Catholic faith to be true. Newmans genius was in being able to see very clearly the issues of his time and without being afraid, challenge heresies and misinterpretations with both compassion and deep knowledge. I suspect this needs to be my (and all of our) journey.

thursday long since past

2010-04-01T19:30:00.003+08:00

one moment

celebrating

drinking

laughing

remembering

then

he's down

on one knee

towel

bowl

taking us all by surprise

silent

serious

as if the weight of the world

hung on this action alone

we are reluctant

we argue

we fight

but we

with our eyes agog

our hearts aflame

watch it unfold

then

bread becomes

body

wine

blood

our slow minds

can't grasp

depth

wonder

food

for a journey

the tears in his eyes

sacramental

my lasting memory

NZ Best of

2010-01-22T10:07:00.003+08:00

A quick round up, basically for myself,

but you may be interested to check out some of these sites for yourself

if you visit this beautiful land

I am beginning to wonder if my sense of longing for "Northerness"

is really a longing for New Zealand.

Best Coffee in Nelson, New Zealand: Morrison Street cafe

Best Peanut Butter: Really Good Peanut Butter (No Kidding!)

Kids Favourite NZ soft drink: L&P (lemon and paeroa)

Favourite Brewery and Cider Maker: Macs

Best Ice cream in the Known Universe: Penguinos

Cheap, good, kids Clothes you can buy online: JK's

Great way to travel around New Zealand: Trans Scenic Railway

nelson summer stylings

2010-01-07T11:40:00.002+08:00

late night chats with
family
driven by daylight saving
twilights

late morning sleep ins
tea and toast
shopping daze
lunch on the run

new everything
but some
reassuringly familiar

jandles n trundlers
LnP and macs
windy beaches
children giggling
emails sent

cafes visited
in the hope of a perfect long mac

new adventures
plans made
then remade
old friends missed
places rediscovered
vibe embibed

dreams
hopes
longings

holy
holidays

10

2010-01-01T19:23:00.002+08:00

well then

here we are.

is it the beginning

or the end

a new decade

or another year of the naughties?

oh the debate

the hours spent wondering

the newspaper reports

why are they wasting our time on this stuff?

got a sort of breezy

this is going to be a good year

sort of feeling

wanting to make some changes

in small ways

in big ways

in sort of in your face way

but i'm too well aware of my own

laziness

to post 'em here

but needless to say

i want to stretch my intellect

and probably my muscles too

eat less but better

same goes for wine

slow

down

listen to

all things must pass

over and over

read

think

write

play

love

another year

beckons.

09

2009-12-31T13:04:00.004+08:00

the death throws

of another year

and

what of it?

40 years on the planet

n still too many days

with no idea

but

some stuff has inspired me

these 12 months

without

further ado . . .

kilbey continues to

delight inspire inflame n

be faithful to a long blog most days

a chronicle of ups n downs n gigs

not often you get

an insight into someones

inner land scape

n this is a joy

along the same lines

i discovered

arts and letters daily

somehow somewhere

intellectual artistic literary

stimulation

good for a mid morning diversion

or long afternoon procrastination

howies are another thing

ethical clothes

n lifestyle philosophy

good earthy stuff

through them too i discovered

the do lectures

i haven't plumbed the depths of this stuff yet

but much food for thought

me thinks

spiritually a quiet year

(its funny how when your job is to speak

of the divine

that you

find you have less and less to say)

but a gift from the friend

the glenstal book of readings

has been a companion

through the liturgy

n the temporal

n given its depth

and my shallowness

will be for a while yet

this is drawing on

so i will take my leave

and consider options

to further our

correspondence

words that inspire me

2009-12-29T14:57:00.002+08:00

coralie

prince n poet

then in no particular order

coffee

wine

cooking

italy

france

jazz

funk

soul

lunch

drinks

mass

"lets get out of here"

"listen to this"

"let us pray"

mysticism

silence

zen

haiku

apple

children

afternoon

holidays

holy-days

the church - musically, physically n sociologically

guitars

drums

hammonds

saxophones

new clothes

crisp sheets

bells

doc martens

shopping

winter

autumn

spring

weller

dylan

townshend

lennon mccartney

especially harrisson

60's

suits

sleep

dreams

jung

merton

poetry

kilbey

fires

night

stars

universe

time travel

books

librarys

narnia

middle earth

earth sea

aslan

gandalf

ged

father

son

holy ghost

scooters

community

trust

faith

hope

love

now

freends

you

post nativity lull 2009

2009-12-28T15:02:00.006+08:00

what is it

about this time of year

which makes us

evaluate it all

again?

is it the heat

which cleanses n burns like fire

forcing us to concentrate on what matters

inner stuff

mind heart n soul

as energy can't be spent

on too much more

than essentials?

is it the rituals

long lunches n over fed meals

presents n trees n photos ops

which give way to

test match cricket

web browsing

new books

gentle swims

all bringing us into slow land

n back into

ourselves

the last few days

been good

despite this transient vertigo virus

that seems to get me

after periods of prolonged busyness

so i

sort of

lie there

think

ponder

get bored

annoyed angry

complacent

until it goes away

its better today -

thank your deity -

so theres a small mercy

i think about italy

n espresso

the latin course i am signed up for next year

our travel to nz

what the future holds

for poet and prince

guitars n stars n hoop-o-la

you get the picture

ciao

kings eve

2009-12-24T07:36:00.004+08:00

the day

at last

dawns

prince n poet

sleep late in their beds

the morning coolness

inviting long slumber

n gentle dreams

ck n i

slow the pace

coffee is made

blogs pursued

the paper pages turned

all this as we wait

for the birth

of the king

i play the intellectual games

of faith sometimes

what if

how come

if we look at it this way

you know

the barriers we put up -

but this celebration

breaks through it all

if we

as st ben says

listen with the ear of the heart

the little child

the young mother

the star

the simple shepherds

the wise waiting kings

even herod - the shadow of ourselves

mystery

gets me more deeply

every year

it is a tale

which redeems

whose ending we sadly know

but always hope for a new outcome

it brings a hope

when all around seems

dark

n somehow

desolate

it invites young

old

those in between

to leave behind

knowing

n controlling

instead

celebrate

trust

love

however you celebrate

whoever you with

whatever your path tradition belief

may this christmas

the beginning of

a great story of redemption

for you

wholeness

happiness

joy

under the quarry

2009-12-21T14:53:00.005+08:00

allright then?

friday night i went with me best and bravest

to da church

at the quarry

n what a show it was

nice bit of support from the holy sea

not the vatican sort of course

quite a cool outfit

intense but

musical

nice local talent

then

sun down

lights on

cool breeze

beers consumed

steve kilbey and the boys hit the stage

n proceed to undermine what the hell i thought i was on about

four distinguished

yet flawed gentleman

rocking their way through a set of tunes

which paid homage to their past in small ways

but was firmly planted in the now

alternate tunings

long instrumental jams

which far from bloated 70's guitar nonsense

explored the sonic possibilities of each tune

much the same as jazz musicians

explore the harmonic and melodic

the new tunes

melded into the old

not a lot being sad from the stage

it was about the music

about the exploration

it was dark

it was mystic in the best sense

which delves into the everyday

the ordinary

sapping every last once of meaning

of perspective

2 1/4 hours of musical joy

which made me realise

i am never

one thing

or the other

neither

classical

nor rock

christian

or something else

a student

nor a teacher

these

dichotomies

are the stuff of real life

the fodder of

kilbey and his conspirators

thank

god

2009-09-21T15:31:00.002+08:00

i see the look in your eyes
your wonder
your confusion
a world of disbelief and awe
the tumbling of a heart

we walk through this world
as ghosts
too often
you and i -
we wander the same paths
regardless of the year
or the company
hoping for meaning
but finding it barren
or abandoned

we are relics
of a time
long past
our crusty views
emblazened in our very speech
we are champions
of long silent corridors
and saturday trading until one
of books and pipes and
evensong
of an unspoiled countryside
which both nutured and healed

silent conversations between friends

those days are
gone

or

is it merely me?

round down

2009-09-17T09:15:00.003+08:00

these grey mornings
leave me tired
before the day has begun
dragging feet in mid september stupor
like too much wine
without the pleasantness of mild over indulgence . . .

the romans are still calling me to read
think
digest
argue
but old father time
keeps slipping away with his gift

i feel like C S L
that
reading is the main business of the day . . .
everything else is an interruption

i need to be clearer
concise
yet obtuse
convinced
poetic
artistic
mythical
mystical

i loved this quote i found this week:

Bob Dylan believes in God,
and Richard Dawkins is never going to win an argument against Bob Dylan,
cause you need a poet to discuss these things.
So let's just say I'm with Bob.

(Paddy McAloon,
prefab sprout vocalist, songwriter
and now semi recluse)

all this
evangelical lay it on the table, read the bible, get the answer stuff
i making me tired
so i think
i'll stop
and go
for a long walk

I am 40

2009-07-06T20:45:00.005+08:00

i am 40

the big four o

4 decades in the blink

of an eye

or an i

what else am i?

i am a soul

a spirit

i am me

not you

i play music

i read

i love

i live

i hate

i struggle

i grow

some

two steps forward

two steps back on a good day

i am parochial

but i see the universe

i doubt

but i pray

i am always arriving

but leaving

something

i dream

but get bogged in reality

i succeed

and make mistakes

i am good

i am bad

i am often

indifferent

but

what sort of man

am i

perhaps you know?

i act

i hope

i wonder

i try

i anticipate

i see

i am

40 years

have taught me

this

that i am

can be enough

it is my journey

it my depths

it is my future.

home n hearth

2009-07-01T22:29:00.005+08:00

Picked up a very cool magazine yesterday at the News stand on Oxford Street. Its the sort of magazine which hides itself away between brighter pages and more "news worthy" (read: gossip) editions.

Habitus:living in Design is a fairly new Australian Journal about homes, art, landscapes and design in the South East Asian region. Which is great because so often Australian Culture still takes its ques from the Northern Hemisphere (and as you yawn, yes, I know this has been said before) instead of the prevalent cultures which surround it.

What's in it for me?

To be honest I was very much attracted by the cover of this edition and the man working in the book lined room. Scenes like this inspire me to create my own environment like this and to continue to see the space in which I live, read, pray, play, cook, raise and family and reflect as important.

Opening the journal further, I seriously admired the spaces belonging to Rirkrit Tiravanija.

So much inspiration now I need some dedication, not to mention reality!!!

still searching for the perfect

2009-06-30T20:44:00.004+08:00

Perth has been suffering an extended period of rain, wind and genuine winter weather.

(I should say enjoying because we live on the end of a desert and really really need the rain)

It doesn't seem to have kept people out of the cafe's though!

I dropped into another new haunt today Sayers Food - around the corner from my favourite brew Cranked Coffee (a great mixture of coffee and bikes)

Sayers has great coffee and a very sophisticated vibe. Good for a special treat.

coffee with cataline

2009-06-29T16:39:00.005+08:00

After a steady day in a very wintry Perth ,I zipped out to grab a coffee at the "West End Deli" - just up the road from my school. Grendal recommends it via his great coffee map of Perth, and I thought I should check it out. Boho arty sort of vibe and an open view kitchen for an excellent view of the preparation of their wonderful menu. The coffee was Fiori, which is a lovely bean. My Latte was a good strength, but a little cooler than I usually prefer.

I am reading my way through Sallust's "Catiline's War, The Jugurthine War, Histories". A great translation I was quite moved by the opening chapter of the text and Sallust's thoughts on human nature, ambition and desire. I need to read this slowly as each sentence seems heavy with meaning and content.

War -what is it good for?

2009-06-21T18:07:00.004+08:00

Ancient Rome, like most periods of history, had to deal with warfare, battles, death and the inevitable searching meaning of life which comes from such events. I have never been much of a fan of battle, but I realize that Military history is important as it helps plot the development of nations, as well as the inevitable religious, culinary and knowledge transfer of culture and language.

Also was very happy to see Jonny Bakers blog about the new Fresh Expressions book focused on what Catholic Anglicans are doing on the Fringes of the church.

Living Loving Thriving

2009-06-20T10:36:00.003+08:00

I have developed more of an interest in my home, and decorating it, as I have got older. Initially I thought it would be vain and opulent to have nice things at home (this seemed to come from a sort of misguided humility, socialist, back beating protestant mentality) but as I age I see the goodness of having quality, which last and doesn't need replacing in 5 minutes (which is essential with young kids!), and making home a beautiful refugee for my family, and my friends.

I especially like the New Victorian Style, sometimes called Steampunk - the link is to a Steampunk interior design page.

Topic Two in my Classics Course is "The Roman Household", which seems appropriate as I look at my own home in the light of the Ancient Romans.

A few links:

Roman Household Powerpoint

The Roman House Plan

The Roman House in Detail

An odd little round up

2009-06-16T20:19:00.004+08:00

Grab bag of things today.

In the post lunch afternoon lull, my fellow campus ministry team member and I spent some time watching a few of the Nooma videos we hadn't seen before. Very poignant and powerful discussions of loss, grief and the inevitable difficulty of moving on.

This led me to look look a little deeper into Rob Bell, who I have always enjoyed as communicator - especially his ability to draw out concepts in a contemporary manner. His primary theological paradigm is that of Narrative theology. You can read about what Mars Hill Church (which Rob Bell pastors) says about Narrative Theology and how it fits with their conception of church . They also offer a quite neat reading list (which will no doubt lead me to purchase even more books to add to the over crowded shelves in my bottom room . . .)

In the afternoon I was racing to the local Bunnings to grab a lightglobe and heard a very cool radio story about Shakespeare and Company - a very cool bookshop in Paris which offers free accommodation (after a mandatory interview) to aspiring writers and those they feel would benefit from spending some free time in France with like minded folk. A very cool history of the shop is also available.

And just to bring the topic back to Ancient Roman History the first topic for the Course is Roman Religion - and I am still working on finding scholarly rather than populist links to help with my work.

Bringing the Bits together

2009-06-15T18:49:00.002+08:00

I had a late meeting tonight at Trinity College (a gathering of Campus Ministers and like minded folk from around Perth) and was heading home through the early dark winter night listening to Classic fm when on came an interview with British, now naturalised Australian, probably-the-best-pianist-in-the-world Stephen Hough.

Whilst I am not a huge fan of Classical Piano (I do however really like impressionist and medieval/renaissance music) Stephen Hough is a little different to the run of the mill artist.

Apart from possessing a formidable technique (some might say staggering or startling!) he is also a blogger, a poet, and has published a theological text on Lectio Divina.

This mix of music, poetry and theology is close to my own heart, and discovering someone who wrestles with this very same combination is heartening and enlightening.

I very humbly offer you a few links about this very Renaissance man:

The official Stephen Hough Website

Stephen's Blog at the Daily Telegraph

One of Stephen's Award winning poems

The Bible as Prayer - Stephen's Book on Lectio Divina

15 Questions to Stephen Hough

A Lost art or just a means of survival?

2009-06-14T18:27:00.003+08:00

Essay writing.

My first time around at University it was merely a task to complete to a pass level and as quickly as possible.

By the time I was doing theology much of the work was not essay based - it was reading logs or personal experience based work. Great for theological reflection, but not so much as academic discipline. (With the exception of a 5000 Christology piece which just about killed me . . .)

In some ways I am looking forward to the two pieces of work for this unit - an essay of 1200 words and another of 1500. Long enough to explore a topic at some preliminary detail but not so much as to be burdensome or require a herculoric effort , which I just couldn't manage at the moment!

So here are two links, one from my home campus UNE and another from Monash University in Melbourne. I was pleasantly surprised to find that most Universities offered help for students in this area, but not so impressed by a few online sites which will produced papers for a fee - wheres the personal endeavour in that!!

What Makes a Good Essay?

Academic Skills Office at UNE

Resourcing the Reading

2009-06-13T14:42:00.003+08:00

Nothing is as important to study as reading widely.

And not just books.

Journals, webpages, interviews, podcasts, films, powerpoints - all broaden and deepen the area which we are trying to understand.

My unit this semester is Roman History.

Here's some helpful links I have found so far:

The Roman Empire

Perseus Digital Library - Ancient Texts in Latin and English

BBC History - Romans

Rome Project

Classics Studies Web

A good start when added to my pile of Uni suggested Texts.!

Classics and me and you

2009-06-12T16:21:00.005+08:00

The funny thing about rapidly approaching 40 is that things appear to be becoming more urgent, more important, less important etc.

Anyway, I find my self enrolled to study classics here. Not only do they have an excellent traditional classics program (Ancient Greek and Roman History along with Latin and Greek language and textual studies) but they can deliver the whole course in external mode with excellent on-line support. Which of course, suits someone on the other side of the country who has a busy job and a young family.

This has been something that has been in the back of my mind since I was about 16. Many of the people I respect and value for their intellectual and spiritual contribution to life in general - C S Lewis, J R R Tolkein, Thomas Merton, the Oxford Movement Fathers - had this training in their background. Not only did it create a context for their faith , it also taught them how to think, reason, and debate.

Part of the discipline, in fact most of it, is reading and writing. I am hoping to restore this blog again as a tool in that process - using it to not only to improve my writing ability, but also to allow reflective work on the set readings, intersecting with my faith and artistic selves.

So keep posted, keep me honest and doing it and lets see where we end up.

maundy thursday

2009-04-09T16:59:00.003+08:00

THURSDAY BEFORE EASTER
O Holy mountain of my God, How do thy towers in ruin lie, How art thou riven and strewn abroad, Under the rude and wasteful sky!" 'Twas thus upon his fasting-day The "Man of Loves" was fain to pray, His lattice open toward his darling west, Mourning the ruined home he still must love the best.  Oh! for a love like Daniel's now, To wing to Heaven but one strong prayer For GOD'S new Israel, sunk as low, Yet flourishing to sight as fair, As Sion in her height of pride, With queens for handmaids at her side, With kings her nursing-fathers, throned high, And compassed with the world's too tempting blazonry.
Tis true, nor winter stays thy growth, Nor torrid summer's sickly smile; The flashing billows of the south Break not upon so lone an isle, But thou, rich vine, art grafted there, The fruit of death or life to bear, Yielding a surer witness every day, To thine Almighty Author and His steadfast sway.  Oh! grief to think, that grapes of gall Should cluster round thine healthiest shoot! God's herald prove a heartless thrall, Who, if he dared, would fain be mute! E'en such is this bad world we see,                             Which self-condemned in owning Thee,                              Yet dares not open farewell of Thee take,                         For very pride, and her high-boasted Reason's sake.
What do we then? if far and wide Men kneel to CHRIST, the pure and meek, Yet rage with passion, swell with pride, Have we not still our faith to seek? Nay--but in steadfast humbleness Kneel on to Him, who loves to bless The prayer that waits for him; and trembling strive To keep the lingering flame in thine own breast alive.  Dark frowned the future e'en on him, The loving and beloved Seer, What time he saw, through shadows dim, The boundary of th' eternal year; He only of the sons of men Named to be heir of glory then. Else had it bruised too sore his tender heart To see GOD'S ransomed world in wrath and flame depart  Then look no more:  or closer watch Thy course in Earth's bewildering ways, For every glimpse thine eye can catch Of what shall be in those dread days: So when th' Archangel's word is spoken, And Death's deep trance for ever broken, In mercy thou mayst feel the heavenly hand, And in thy lot unharmed before thy Savour stand.

- John Keble, an Oxford Father, "the Christian year"

would the real me please stand up - again?

2009-03-02T15:16:00.002+09:00

good lord

lent again

where'd that come from?

marked the day in the usual way

bit of song silence word n ash

n then

inevitably

thoughts turn

to the embedded reality of my childhood

what should i give up for Lent?

first thought

was to give up giving things up for Lent

but that would be a tad too predictable and easy

n then

nothing . . . .

i could be wrong here

(I often am)

but the point seems to be

get rid of the dross -

sure chocolate might be an easy choice

but what am i really saying by giving it up?

Chocolate is bad

I eat too much

i am a fat middle class consumer who doesn't know when to say no

is this what lent is about really?

did the the tradition of lent endure to slim my waist line?

i think giving up is bad word choice here

casting off is better

i want to cast off

my pride

and stop not allowing others to be close to me, unless its on my terms

my intelligence

having, wanting and needing to have all the answers, all the time

my masks

less time spent worrying about how i present myself (in personality terms)

and worrying about what others will think

stop making it all about me!

ahhh the moment of enlightenment

maybe Lent is the time

of it not being about me!

whatever

anyhow i am still going to try and reduce one of my meals to a simple one

in solidarity with those

who go without

far more than I do

and if it makes me healthier

fantastic

but I am not giving up for Lent

ok???

empty

2009-02-08T15:58:00.002+09:00

an early morning walk

thinking about being 40 in 5 months

realizing i know nothing

its all just beginning

its all just opening up

i've heard this before

but never quite believed it

its less fact

more mystery

less tangible

more real

its not a concern

but a breakthrough

like all change

it comes

like a breeze

or an afternoon suddenly free

full of hope n wonder

n possibility

Hiding from the Sun

2009-01-28T16:34:00.002+09:00

Perth has had funny temperatures this year.

Day after day of temperatures in the mid 30c's ( thats between 86f and 100f for my friends in other locals).

Not super hot (as in low 40c's) but at night we only dip to around 18c.

The constancy of the heat is wearing.

Taxing.

You function. You perform.

But you don't really rest well.

Air conditioning is helpful, but drying too.

In these times I think of the north.

The heat leaves me feeling like a stranger in my own land.

I long for something I can't quite put my finger on.

It is the shadow in the corner, the shudder if the curtains, the train just missed,

it is the north.

Canada, Scandinavia,

Not only for a blessed relief from the heat,

but from all it entails in its history, its poetry, its art, its spaciousness, its mystery, its solitude.

Like many, C.S. Lewis' words echo deep within me:

“Pure “Northernness” engulfed me: a vision of huge, clear spaces hanging above the Atlantic in the endless twilight of Northern summer, remoteness, severity… and almost at the same moment I knew that I had met this before, long, long ago (it hardly seems longer now) in Tegner’s Drapa, that Siegfried (whatever it might be) belonged to the same world as Balder and the sunward-sailing cranes. And with that plunge back into my own past there arose at once, almost like heart-break, the memory of Joy itself, the knowledge that I had once had what I had now lacked for years, that I was returning at last from exile and desert lands to my own country; and the distance of the Twilight of the Gods, and the distance of my own past Joy, both unattainable, flowed together in a single, unendurable sense of desire and loss, which suddenly became one with the loss of the whole experience, which, as I now stared round that dusty schoolroom like a man recovering from unconsciousness, had already vanished, had eluded me at the very moment when I could first say It is. And at once I knew (with fatal knowledge) that to “have it again” was the supreme and only important object of desire.

Something within me finds in this "Northernness"a connection with the divine, with the mystery. A way of being which echos deep in my soul. Check out these few resources:

Reading Travel Winter

5 point turn

2009-01-24T17:04:00.011+09:00

1. Listening to: Last Fm. Type in "Funk" and you'll hear what I am cooking to . . .

2. Reading: As its the weekend I'm into "The Weekend Australian's" political, culinary, artistic and travel pages. On the book front, I just finished "A generous orthodoxy" by Brian McLaren. On the one hand I want to jump up and down and rejoice that someone wrote this book, on the other I sort of yawn and think "most of my friends think this way already" - but maybe that's just us . . . .

3. Clothes: Loving my retro Adidas trainers and dark blue knit polo shirt. Off to Buy some Doc Martens yet again tomorrow . Loved the Ben Sherman shirts I got for Christmas.

4. Today: I went to Perth Zoo with the wife, the kids, the mates n the family. Good time.

5. Plan for this week: Monday is Australia day, a National holiday so we'll watch the fireworks with the rest of Perth, then a quiet Tuesday before I go back to work on Wednesday.

Tagging Browny, Alan and Brian to play along. Choose your own five and fill us in!

Peace everyone.

The Mystery of it All

2009-01-20T14:16:00.003+09:00

Imagination does not breed insanity.

Exactly what does breed insanity is reason.

Poets do not go mad ; but chess players do . . .

Perhaps the strongest case of all is this:

that only one great English poet went mad,

Cowper.

And he was definitely driven mad by logic,

by the ugly and alien logic of predestination.

Poetry was not the disease, but the medicine . . .

He was damned by John Calvin . . .

Poetry is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea;

reason seeks to cross the infinite sea,

and so make it finite.

The result is mental exhaustion...

The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens.

It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head.

And it is his head that splits...

The madman is not the man who has lost his reason.

The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason...

Materialists and madmen never have doubts . . .

Mysticism keeps men sane.

As long as you have the mystery you have health;

when you destroy mystery you create morbidity.

G K Chesterton

(Quoted by Brian McLaren in A Generous Orthodoxy)

Generous Orthodoxy

2009-01-17T10:45:00.003+09:00

Just picked up a copy of Brian McLaren's "A generous Orthodoxy" which I have heard loads about but never read.

Have you?

Any comments, advice or warnings?

rant # 235 part b

2009-01-13T13:01:00.003+09:00

overwhelmed n undernourished

spaced out n cashed up

moving on but hanging out

living now n crying later

all this techno phobe reinvention

redesign

rejig

reface

re re

contemplative naval gazing

leaves me cold

cos its not me -

whoever that is?

its only

little bits

which i shine up

n make presentable for the general audience

all these books n records n words

might give ya a way in

but no matter what freends

I remain a mystery

to me

to you

to the universe . . .

have ya noticed most of dem priests

n dem musos

would be love da mystic

the da cosmic dimension

finding the out there

in here?

looking for the big picture

and finding it in

the blade of grass

seeking silence n solitude

and then

finding themselves in the centre of the world

fasting praying loving renouncing

then having it all given back to them

learn to see

learn to hear

learn to love

thats the journey

thats the mystery

Helpful Stuff

2009-01-11T16:39:00.001+09:00

Spiritual Friends - My friends

2009-01-10T14:42:00.003+09:00

Whilst Nouwen, De Mello and Abhishiktananda are the three important spiritual writers and mentors in my life, without the support of my community, it is highly unlikely that my life would be so full and rich.

That my family would be surrounded by such love,

That I would have an opportunity to face the truths about myself, both good and bad.

That I would have so many opportunities to laugh, to cry and to celebrate.

That I would get to know such a lot about various bottle of red wine . . .

Whilst the three gentleman I have written about have informed and stimulated my search for God, it is these folks who have shown me Gods action through their love, their words, and their actions.

Love you guys!

Spiritual Friends - Abhishiktananda

2009-01-09T07:59:00.006+09:00

Dom Henri Le Saux, later to take the hindu name Abhishiktananda, is my next spiritual friend. A little known hermit, his influence is felt through much of the work of Bede Griffiths and other teachers of contemplation.

Abhishiktananda was a Benedictine monk from the A bbey of Sainte Anne de Kergonan in Brittany, France. In his late 30's he travelled to India to form a Benedictine community with Jules Monchanin. Their aim was to have a monastic community in the style of an Indian ashram. This would have been a progressive idea now (Bede Griffiths did do it with some success) but in 1950 it was a miracle it was even thought of !

The idea failed somewhat (Until Bede took over the community) with Abhishiktanda spending much time traveling around India and immersing himself in Indian spirituality, spending extended periods in silence and solitude. Abhishiktananda opened his heart to the world and spent time dialoguing with people (esp. Anglican missionary Murray Rogers) of all traditions and backgrounds, sharing the riches and wisdoms he had found in his explorations.

It would be easy for me to say simple things about Abhishiktananda and his life. He was an early interfaith warrior. He was a Benedictine seeking to find new depths and ways in the rule. He was a hermit. He wrote some good books. But none of these are personal enough.

What I find in him is a holiness without borders. He led me deeper into prayer through silence and solitude and openness than anyone else I have read - and I have to read him in small doses now to take it all in. He kept his sense of humour and compassion despite his touching the flame of life. He was no plaster saint. He struggled with what he was called to (who wouldn't?) but stayed with it and found a very real, very deep "awakening" at the end. For some people, his path is probably almost heretical, but I don't see it that way. If " The Christian of the future will be a mystic or he will not exist at all.” as Karl Rahner says, then Abhishiktananda was one of the futures first pioneers.

Check out: The Priest and the Swami

Spiritual Friends - Anthony De Mello

2009-01-08T08:20:00.005+09:00

If Nouwen started the spiritual journey for me (and I repeated come back to his works more than any other writer) then Indian Jesuit Anthony De Mello took me deeper into myself. Initially his book Sadhana ( a book of contemplative exercises) appealed to me and begun my journey into silence and the mystery more deeply, but it was a book written by one of his friends, Carlos Valles "Mastering Sadhana" which led me deeper into what De Mello was teaching.

My instinct is that in Jesus, De Mello saw a totally free human being, able to completely experience life without hanging on to hurt or relationships, and so therefore able to relate to others in completely honest, open, compassionate and often unexpected ways. Once he saw the divinity which was shown through Jesus' humanity, De Mello was open to insights about humanness from across the religious spectrum.

It was experience of his own search for inner freedom which led him to be therapist, counsellor, spiritual director and guru. I was really happy to read recently that he spent some time talking with Abhishiktananda, learning from his deep experiences of solitude and silence.

The importance of De Mello for me is two fold. In my work I love the fact he utilized a lot of different techniques in his clinical work - Gestalt, Carl Rogers, Dream work, early mindfulness training - as ways of helping the healing process. He was also a wonderful teacher of prayer and familiar with many different styles and processes.

Like Nouwen, his passionate search for God is very attractive for me. But De Mello helps me ask some hard questions too. Who is this "God" I am looking for? What is this Heaven? What is happiness - do I need to be happy to be happy? This ability to be self-reflective, trust in our own experience and abilities, is something I can grow into.

I love this quote from de Mello:

If I had been asked in the first years of my

spiritual endeavor what I wanted people to say in appreciation of me,

I would have answered,

Let them say, He is a holy man.;

Years later I would have answered;

Let them say He is a loving man;

And now I would like people to say of me, He is a free man

Spiritual Friends - Henri Nouwen

2009-01-07T10:00:00.004+09:00

I thought I might write a short series of posts about Spiritual Friends - those writers and people who have influenced my spiritual growth and contributed to my search for God.

Henri Nouwen, the Dutch Catholic priest, was the first writer who really captured my imagination about what it meant to be a spiritual being and take the search for God seriously.

I can see my life in both before and after discovering Nouwen stages!

My dad suggested I read "Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery" with the words. "I think you'll like this. If you do you won't be able to put it down and then you'll want to read all his books!". He was right. I counsumed the book in about two days and then began buying/borrowing/scrounging for more!

Loads has been written about Nouwen, and you can get lots of information from the society website. His personal influence in my life really falls into three - disciplines, community, and freedom.

Disciplines: Henri was big on pray and the disciplines which lead you to that place where you can pray. The Eucharist as celebration, The liturgy of the hours. Silence. Solitude. Spiritual Direction. Taize chants and music in general (Nouwen was an excellent pianist). For me, these foundations have continued to be corner stones to live by, come back to, read about and continually grow into.

Community: Wherever he went, Henri seemed to form community around himself. Whether at universities or at L'Arche, or at Genesee, he both needed and encouraged community around him. I recognize this need at a deep level in myself too. A place to feel safe. A place to feel love. A place to explore without fear. I am lucky to have the Tranfiguration family to travel with me in this way.

Freedom: Henri was always searching for freedom, challenging the status quo, looking for more authentic ways to live out the truth he found in Jesus. Stepping down from the prestige of being a professor to work with those with disabilities. Spending a year not working to be available others and to pray. Learning spanish to serve the poor in South America. This was not "I've found it!" freedom, but a day to day relinquishing to God and discerning the still small voice of guidance.

And you? Have you read Nouwen? Does he matter to you at all?

Merton and merlot

2009-01-05T12:17:00.004+09:00

Actually its a cab sav from Stonyfell wines. Nice little drop and nice to be able to have a drop of vino at lunch....

I have been reading about listening to Tom Merton this morning.

Lots has been said about him over the years of course, and by much brighter folk than me.

The attraction for me has always been a bit broader than just his monastic persona, wonderful and full of depth as it is. I love the beat/poet/count-cultureness of Merton.

His dialogues with Joan Baez for instance.

Listening to Dylan and singing along. Coltrane too.

Reading Lenny Bruce.

Merton writing about the peace movement.

Loved this Psalm by Merton.

It encourages me to take both the contemplative and artistic paths seriously.

Night Psalm

Be still
Listen to the stones of the wall
Be silent, they try
To speak your

Name.
Listen
To the living walls.
Who are you?
Who
Are you? Whose
Silence are you?

Who (be quiet)
Are you (as these stones
Are quiet). Do not
Think of what you are
Still less of
What you may one day be.
Rather
Be what you are (but who?) be
The unthinkable one
You do not know.

O be still, while
You are still alive,
And all things live around you
Speaking (I do not hear)
To your own being,
Speaking by the Unknown
That is in you and in themselves.

“I will try, like them
To be my own silence:
And this is difficult. The whole
World is secretly on fire. The stones
Burn, even the stones
They burn me. How can a man be still or
Listen to all things burning? How can he dare
To sit with them when
All their silence
Is on fire?”

h/t Discussions on the Way

Also check out Louie Louie, a terrific blog using Tom as inspiration.

New Years Plans

2009-01-04T13:01:00.003+09:00

You might have noticed that I put a few lifestyle and creativity sites on the columns to your right.

I pursued these to try and help me formulate some ideas for what I would like to try and achieve this year. Last year I wrote about wanting to live more intentionally (http://preview.tinyurl.com/855l63) but I feel like I only went a small way towards this goal of having my inside life and outside life have a sense of congruency.

I really liked the idea I found on Zen Habits about how to stick with any New Years changes we try to make. Check it out! So for me the idea is to establish a morning routine which includes getting up by 6, spending some time in Lectio and Silence, and doing some exercise.

Stay with me and I will report back on how its going!

Wot I be doing . . .

2009-01-03T12:45:00.001+09:00

Added Flickr photo link

Added Anglo Catholic Blog list

Added Lifestyle and Creativity Links

Redesigned blog into three columns

Added new coffee cup image

Added Search function

Like it?

Welcome to a New Year

2009-01-02T07:39:00.002+09:00

Made any resolutions?

Wanna make a change or two?

Try out new ways of being?

I have been mouching around looking at a few sites on lifestyle and creativity.

I'll post a few things soon, but I think the key here is taking time to make my changes both workable and long lasting.

Ah ha!

2009-01-01T19:08:00.000+09:00

After spending the day wondering who I was going to add things to the two side columns I thought 'Just add something" and then - there they are!

Spent ALOT of time fiddling around with html today, but happy I am getting somewhere

What would you like to see here friends?

Still going

2009-01-01T13:45:00.001+09:00

Having some trouble with the HTML code for this blog and trying to get the third column working. Any advice welcome!

Blog Make over

2009-01-01T09:41:00.001+09:00

I'll be fiddling with the blog layout over the next month so stay tuned!

101 things in no order

2008-12-30T10:32:00.006+09:00

1. slow burning passion

2. poetry

3. guitars at midnight

4. early morning coffee

5. afternoon naps

6. gelato

7. spring

8. summer

9. france

10. miles davis

11. zen spaces

12. zen gardens

13. merton

14. button down collars

15. ben sherman

16. fred perry

17. doc martens

18. wine

19. italy

20. scooters

21. Weller

22. espresso

23. jamie oliver

24. coltrane

25. henri nouwen

26. cricket

27. pianos

28. 1960's

29. holidays

30. jammin'

31. soul

32. beatles

33. hammond organs

34. long table lunch

35. adidas

36. funk

37. friends

38. mindfulness

39. high mass

40. the jam

41. family

42. inner city

43. long afternoons

44. lemoncello

45. vespa

46. shopping

47. moonlight

48. christmas carols from kings

49. children

50. live music

51. film

52. books

53. art galleries

54. travel

55. trains

56. no agenda

57. the who

58. mod

59. casual

60. lambretta

61. cashed up

62. mindfulness

63. saturdays

64. long weekends

65. country drives

66. long lunches

67. bacon

68. knit tops

69. monks

70. candles

71. long baths

72. new records

73. joni mitchell

74. swimming

75. cycling

76. neil young

77. risotto

78. rain

79. church yards

80. small faces

81. stripes

82. sleep

83. olives

84. milk shakes

85. walking

86. zoo

87. museum

88. silence

89. solitude

90. being online

91. fish

92. pasta

93. levi 501's

94. love

95. sex

96. joy

97. peace

98. music, sweet music

99. rickenbacker

100. jimmy smith

101. . . . . . .

clocks which never stop

2008-12-29T13:31:00.002+09:00

i forgive you

if you need my forgiveness

i release you

from whatever I have bound you with

i heal you

from the scars and wounds I have inflicted

look deep

deeper inside

to your core

to your cave

to your heart

i see the names i have been called

the ignorance with which i have been treated

the love denied

the hurt dispensed

the ignoring

the labeling

the failure to be seen

doors closed

wars raged

pain and suffering abound

but yet

i have been loved

adored even

i have received gifts to raise the spirit

moments of intimacy

lasting friendships

opportunities undreamed of

had second and third chances

been healed into new ways

found god,

and occasionally lost god again

played guitar

sung

lived

for today

all is equal

i welcome

it all

post nativity lull

2008-12-28T10:21:00.002+09:00

after three celebrations

n long country drives

we return a la maison

cricket

champagne

hit the consumer driven centre

n snap up a bargain

children holiday with older generation

for beaches fishing

n general down time

we recover in stages

changing the routine

sleeping late

watching tubes

cruising nets

cooking together

but tomorrow the little uns return

n life takes on a new shape

holidays

holiness

the new year will bring

the promises of change

new ways of being

embracing n letting go

now is the time to dwell

in early morning stillness

n mindfullness

on the next phase

the challange

n the joy

of now

r you with me

freends?

souls n saints n sinners n holloween

2008-11-01T12:13:00.002+09:00

strange time of year this

last night paganism reigned

in da guise of little 'uns

collecting sweets n stuff

didn't want mine to do it

grumpy dad

but da americanism of it all

does my head in

not to mention da history behind it

n my bleak spiritual outook

wot amazes me is that people

are so unaware of the basis for holloween

n buy the candy soft all american version of it

tried to address this with some friends

but they couldn't grasp what i was on about

maybe its just me . . .

2day has easier choice

all saints

those who lived lives

worthy of memory

of re-calling our commitment to be holy

i am not much of a saint-lover

but if i had to pick my top 5

i would go for:

St Benedict of Nursia

St Francis de Sales

St Henri Nouwen

St Thomas Merton

St Abhishiktananda

just try looking some of them up!

2morrow

all souls

the real deal

lovingly recalling

those we know who have died

n asking gods mercy n grace n love

for them

i have grown into this feast

watched how lovingly others intercede for their nearest and dearest

how children recall the lives of relatives

this is faith in action

life conquering death

the hope of the cross

n now i am on dicey ground

its over

bye

revised revisited renewed

2008-10-23T11:19:00.006+08:00

me n the mrs went off to da moovies on saturday
saw the new adaption of waugh's
brideshead rejigged
i made the mistake of reading saturdays oz
n seeing da review
not worth your time it said
but
snooty nosed la di da reviewers
can get it wrong too
sometimes nearly always
so we braved the satirical onslaught
n sat with a handful of zealots
through his beautiful film
visually - wow
rich colours
beautiful soundtrack of solo piano
settings from university
to country house
to italy
to morocco
n back again
the cast
ok i suppose
well known enough to bring the britishness to life
emma thompson a cold hearted roman catholic hate filled disciple
the corner stone in some ways
but outside of these externals
the themes got me
the counterpoint of a middle class existence
versus the lavish wastefulness n foppery
of between wars upper-class
wine also featured fairly heavily
n you know i am not opposed to that!
the intellectual painter n atheist
immersed into a fully tridentine Catholicism
n all that involved
relationships - rich n varied
the homo-erotic
marriage
divorce
affair
true love
with the divine
with the truth
between parents n children
within yourself
with alcohol
in different cultures
in different places
so it went on
waughs relentless exploration
when we got home
having discussed the film all the way back
(which is usually a great sign)
i read a few brief online outlines of the book
apparently it was his effort
to reflect his recent conversion conservative catholicism
against an increasingly secular world
n prove the argument for the ancient faith
by striking it against the incoherence (in his view) of atheism
well
for my money
the catholics came out looking like twits
uninformed
sentimental
manipulative
ghetto loving
n quite, quite odd
which is relatively disturbing
to this sparse monastic apaphatic believer
so go see
it
and then
lets talk

ten still left pt 2

2008-10-19T17:39:00.003+08:00

six: travel

whilst i love to roam

there is no place like home . . .

i love the idea of travel

of british countryside

and italian summers

of paris in autumn

and new zealand januarys with those i love but

fiscal concerns count

as does stability

n not exhausting my family

nor dragging em

round the globe

this one always surfaces

hold on future

we're coming

seven: new norica

don't get there enough.

nough said

eight: exercise

oh dear oh dear

need to walk run swim stretch

and do i

hmmmmmmmmmm

sometimes i am good

sometimes i am not so good

laziness is an in built part of me

n i am getting to the age where I need to move more

intake less

so freends

a little support

if you please

and there we stop freends

reckon if I was doing this ok

the rest would take care of itself

ciao for now

ten still left

2008-10-18T14:45:00.002+08:00

one: songs

little bits of ideas

a chord progression

a couplet of lyric

a riff

maybe only a concept

somedays the bits

can get put together

sometimes what was crap yesterday

sounds gold today

its a blessing

its a curse

its part of me

two: reading

always the next book to get to

finally got to newmans apologia pro vita sua

tough read

but infinitely helpful

gotta finish the brothers karamazov too

but russian authors . . .

then there's cooking n sport n philosophy n art n history

n fiction n poetry

and maybe even a holy text or three

if only I didn't need to sleep . . .

three: praying

never really off the list

even on a bad day

not quite sure what i mean by praying these days

but a bit of divine contact

silence

solitude

write the blog

some slow psalms

seems to make a difference

four: the desk

doesn't matter

whether home nor work

the time of the day

the liturgical or chronological season

the desk is still

messy

bits here

bits there

bills deliberately lost

letters left unfinished

notes to self now indecipherable

kids art

prayer books

cd's

photos

lovely diaries still unused

newspaper clipping

novels

stuff everywhere

but it is

homely!

five: the littlies

the prince

the poet

need time

need attention

need me to be a friend

but need me more to be a parent

need me to love

and to teach

to hope

n to be with them

to show them wot i have learnt

provide a place for them to grow

give them honesty

give them a place to be

teach them to think

teach them compassion

teach them to view the world

with a humorous eye

teach them to play n to work n to sing n to celebrate

to cook n clean n take time

this unending parenthood journey

more 2 morrow

wood shore desert ( a la Tom Merton)

2008-10-14T17:00:00.006+08:00

i have battled much to be here . . .

i have crossed wild rivers

whose currents

unsteadied all but the most hardy of our caravan

i have travelled cross mountains

whose beauty

made it nigh impossible to leave

i have crawled through endless deserts

where water

was only a dream

and mirages

were better than death itself

i have gazed into the heart of the sun

felt its rays strip me bear

my eyes melt into its intensity

i have watched the rain fall

and the evening star appear

i have seen schools of uneducated fish

and parliaments of anarchist owls

i have written the word

and burnt the book

i have sat in silence

and sung the hymns

i never dance

i have sat with the lonely

mourned with the lost

eaten with the starving

i have walked with the weary

spoken with the mute

lost with the found...

to be with you

has cost me

no more

no less

than everything real

the stripping away

of sanity

of soul

of desire

the transformation of all i thought

i could hold onto

the loss of self

only to be found again

more present

than ever before

this journey

never can be described

in all its vividness

in all its wonder

but freends

can

try

monk meaning

2008-10-13T19:33:00.002+08:00

drove home yesterday

from the abbey

me n the boys

the best n bravest

spent the weekend

said the prayers

entered silence

drunk the wine

(n the whisky)

listened to the word

n hopefully the spirit

were fed

in da stomach n da spirit

sang our hearts out

raided the library

talked with our monastic friends

grieved their loss

discussed our pain

tired to heal some hurts

slept

talked

read

walked

waited

hoped

loved

looked back

looked forward

just were

there

book your face mark!

2008-10-08T14:01:00.003+08:00

me mate mark

wrote a great question

on his book face

why (do)so many churches appear to be uninterested in reaching the community around them

n this little author

never short of an ecclesial opinion

muttered something about it being

the wrong question

n why weren't churches

offering what people actually need" ?

(if ya have fake book

ya can check this out for ya self)

n so the comments continued

n wif my usual dry wit

i made a plea

for stability

honesty

openness

dialogue

n maybe as a good little monastic

i should have added

conversatio morum

(go n look it up)

but

(n i am on shaky ground here

'cos i am thinking out loud)

i wonder

most of the time

we could walk the talk

what we say we believe

treat

people in our groups

the way we know they should be treated

learn to

shut up

when we dont know

i reckon our churches

might just be a little more

well

full!

all this not to mention

actually trying to help people

with living our

modern lives of

stress

limitless options

shifting societal patterns

intimidating work lives

serial monogamy

n bad music

then we

might

get somewhere

but

of course

i could be

wrong

so be

nice!

a day, a death, a daze

2008-10-06T14:49:00.003+08:00

here we are again

your iconoclastic correspondent

has been laid low

by the bug of death

a gnawing gastro

which saps the spirit n strength

write out of you

luckily for all

todays pleasant yum-cha lunch

appears to be staying

where it belongs . . .

the earth changed permanently for me yesterday

a phone call from my second home

the abbey of new norcia

just to discuss some mundane matters

then

silence

a few words

the abbot

is dead

wordless disbelief pulsates

heart drops

shoulders fall

deep breathes

sometimes

i encounter this stuff

occasionally

but when it someone you know well

who liturgically

bought you in

who took the time to chat

when i was up a creek

who shared the table with you

with such glee

its an empty hole

and not just for me

but for so many like me

so pray friends

as we all think

as we all pray

as we all hope

n pray for the brothers

who face decisions n change

n all the emotions of losing

a loved one

peace to all

3 reasons not to give it up

2008-10-03T14:06:00.002+08:00

what keeps me going?

wine, woman n song

time, space n prayer

father son n holy spirit

john paul george n ringo

olive oil parmesan n garlic

friday saturday sunday

past present future

eliza noah coralie

holidays holy-days birthdays

me us them

books newspapers n magazines

coffee milk sugar

coffee coffee coffee

cd's tapes lp's

crosby stills nash

(n young!)

poems novels articles

fish chips n squid

lemon lime orange

mind heart soul

mass eucharist lords supper

smells bells n stained glass

cricket rugby n

walking strolling rambling

daily shambolic reinvention

early morning cuddles

late night discussions

breakfast with friends

dinner by moonlight

endless possible outcomes

not giving in

not giving up

not being afraid

not running away

embracing change

embracing now

forgiveness

love

you

writers unblock

2008-10-02T15:54:00.003+08:00

lack of inspiration
perhaps just holiday re-alignment
perhaps mystcal wanderings
led me here for a hint
a clue
a thought

Why do you write?

i write cos i want to
except when i dont
i write cos i expect something to happen
but i dont get blue when it dont
i write to explore ideas
but i always seem to come back to the same ones
i write cos i like
the way some words flow together n how
other bash and writhe when placed
together
i write to you freends
but its all about me
not you
i write to kick myself
out of all sorts of malaise
spiritual
financial
artistic
emotional
musical
i write just to get it out
but there is usually
so much more left inside
i write cos i like writers
c s lewis
ursula le guin
tolkein
my sort-of-aunt
nz poet rachel Bush
like my friend
sonia helbig-timms

i write to feel like
just sometimes
i am doing
something
that i can be creative
that i can give some reflection to what
is going on inside me
and that just maybe
my experience
might be someone elses
i write to cajole
to convince
to abuse
to nit-pick
to beg
to please
to steal
to launch random attacks on
no one in particular
to be like kilbey
to be unlike other people

i write to still this feeling of loneliness
i write to feel connected
to be part of cyper-space
to be part of any space
to have my say
to do my thing
to make myself visible
when i want to hide
i write to give myself something to talk about
when i am bored at parties
i write messages to my freends
n love to my family
i write to just be
n fill in the lonely hours
when i could be up to
other mischief

i write because
i like it!

wolf rain

2008-10-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

rain
wind
cold
all through the night
n into the day
the prince joins me at about 3am
the howling like a banshees cry of revenge
angry trees around the house swaying n moving
dark clouds menace the sky
heavy downpours
their only weapon
perhaps first night in a new bed
or the first time he has been aware of this sort of weather
for whatever reason
ck n I spend an hour
with him traversing the triangle of our beds
our words designed to coax him back to his own bed
his only thought
staying out of it!
i loved nights like this as a boy
especially with thunder n lightning
the bitter darkness
echoing some hidden part of me
so we awake this morning
and the storm
is mildly abated
enough for a walk
a play for the poet
a fish for the prince

wolf
ever thought of yourself as one?
i remember seen a friend
a therapist who had a sort of mosaic of wolves
as the picture up above his desk…
last book I finished
The main character
becomes one with a wolf
to the extent he can leave his body to death
n become the wolf

have you ever wanted to be fully outside of yourself?
to be one with another fully
so the separation is only a matter of degrees?
in-loveness is the only time I know this for myself
it can happen playing music too -
if ya r lucky
your hands n ideas seem to sort of gel
n your just in the moment
outside of time
outside of some sort of rational thought processes
you play
only yourself
notes rhythms sounds
cease to matter
the music just is

this way with the wolf too
only the present matters
this meal
this thought
this hunt
a true Buddhist!
perhaps that’s all we
(or i)
want for ourselves?
a moment of trueness
a moment of nowness
a moment or peace

driving assassin

2008-09-30T20:46:00.000+08:00

long drives through country
through early morning traffic
through fields of golden canola
n cooling pine plantations
we stick to the back paths
keeping away from the tourist caravans
n out of the way of horses children and balloons of any descriptions . . .

so yesterday
the music
today
the books
robin hobb - the assassin series
loving these new books
( i am on the second instalment)
self contained worlds give me much pleasure
can’t recall if I wrote about this earlier
tolkien, narnia, earthsea
all etched in my memory
as an 11 or 12 year old
i lived in these places
they became part of me
their values often became mine
i loved the nobility
honesty
silence was taught as a skill to be loved
that a man only does what
needs to be done
that a life poured out for others
in taking responsibility
is a life of value
sometimes I feel
like these values
are not of this time
like i am, like these writers
against the flow
against the tide
standing outside what is currently valued
n feeling
alone

neil's monday

2008-09-29T13:08:00.003+08:00

warm day n sun

so the holy days of spring

begin

children can play outside

we clean and tidy

preparing for a trip on the morrow

through the countryside

heading south

through hills

to the coast

n the wife's forefathers

traditionally

this time of year fills me with

a morbid dread

i see the future

the next few months

n overwhelming fear fills me

end of year celebrations

become a chore

attending to people

wearying and dreary

i seek refuge and discipline

merely to survive

it is hard to welcome that which

slays your sense of self

of equilibrium

of a universe which makes sense

at least now

i am relieved of the need

to write endless reports

on the lives of children

now i can write endlessly about myself . . .

as i write this

i listen to youtube crosby stills nash n young

i love this music

on saturday night we have a killer show in oz

called rockwiz

anyway

two local fairly b grade musos

sang neil young's comes a time

and so the obsession

awakens again

discovering new artists

going deeper into ones i know

rediscovering albums which i had forgotten

at the moment

it seems like honesty

really matters

a sort of musical honesty

a rawness of conveyed emotion

nick drake

neil young as stated

some of the early post-beatles george harrison

even northern soul stuff

loads of old music really

perhaps trying to find a way forward for my self

the endless search for a musical context

i am reading more too actually

bits and pieces

but more of that tomorrow

cos this blog

is stopping here

thursday rain

2008-09-25T16:54:00.002+08:00

i saw the city

encased in mist n rain n dark

a tomb of fantasy

a womb of silence

it made me silent within

silenced my monkey brain

stilled the raging river

i stared for a moment

n then the torrents of the day continued

people n things n events n conversations

but here

in the wild west

rain poured

wind howled

clouds gathered in their fields

children donned their wellies

n jumped in puddles

teachers cursed

and reached for movies

some snuggled deeper into their blankets

n slept the day away

others ignored the ambience of the day

raised their brollies

n continued their way

affected

but unhindered

lonely poets saw lovers tears

bright eyed youngsters saw endless tales

the ill saw their reflection

the housebound saw yet another reason

to stay hidden

the ancient thought of trenches

fisherman stared out at a stormy seas

not willing to give up their secrets today

artists writers musicians n painter found inspiration

your humble correspondent

dreamt of lands now lost

kings n queens

n suits of steel

of spells n scrolls

n simple times

ballads told

n legends forged

n dreamt

once upon

2008-09-14T18:16:00.002+08:00

decisions come

decisions go

moons waxing and waning

shooting stars

lost in galaxies unknown

slipping silently

into black holes

of my own making

but if we could but see

beyond things temporal

how our word here

a thought there

plays out on a cosmic scale

anothers loss

our gain

anothers hope

our fear

anothers dream

our reality

their darkness

our light

their words

our curse

their freedom

our captivity

but it will not do

to dwell on such things here

for light can be dimmed

by a mere spoken word

hearts broken

by a look

your history

told to another in the touch

of your hand

traverse this place lightly

and be of good cheer

for the future

is not yet

beheld

Coffee?

2008-08-09T16:20:00.000+08:00

WYD

2008-07-15T12:10:00.001+08:00

Chris at WYD
Werld Yooth Dae
its buzee
its crowded
it is not in the least contemplative
but I am here
and I will be still
and we will see how it goes
ha!

priests bishops england and pain

2008-07-12T13:30:00.003+08:00

This is not a poem.

Nor a meme.

Not even a reflection or a meditation.

This is me working out how a 500 year old church can cause such pain to many of its members in one foul swoop.

Got an Idea what I am talking about?

On Monday 7th July the General Synod of the Church of England voted to allow the ordination of Women to the episcopate. You can read about it here - a very neutral report. Whilst this action would have caused traditionalists at both ends of the anglocatholic/evangelical scale pain, the matter appears to have been exacerbated by the synods decision to only enforce a code of practice about how to deal with those opposed to womens ordination rather than create guaranteed episcopal care. A few anglo-catholic blogs (my heritage) have reflected upon this here, here and here. (You'll have to search around the first two a bit as there aren't permalinks in operation - but look for 7/8 July and you'll find them.)

My big problem with all of this is not really theological. Whilst I am sort of undecided about the whole women's ordination thing, I am faithful to my churches discipline of it, and can see both sides of the argument. My sadness comes from the fact that this decision will force some people out of the church because they simply cannot stay in the face of a synods decision. What sort of church is that, which was once known for its inclusiveness and ability to holds many perspectives of the faith in tension, simply casts off members in one decision?

My heart for unity suffers too because now any chance of the seemingly promising Anglican / Catholic reunion seems impossible, as does any serious Orthodox consultancy.

The Anglo-catholic tradition, which nurtured and grew me has come finally to an end.

Even though it is no longer my faith expression, I feel for the pain of the faithful thousands whose lives have now being thrown into disarray and dismay.

Should Justice, as many have called it, involved such pain for people of good heart and faith?

Pray for them all.

Catholic Meme

2008-07-11T08:15:00.003+08:00

I must be a bit bored as I keep using Meme's to get me the info I want!

1. Name a Catholic book that you want to share so much that you keep giving away copies:

Henri Nouwen "The Genesee Diary". Honest. Monastic. Liturgical. Wow.

2 Name a work of religious art you'd like to live with:

"Circumnavigation of the Soul"

3. Name your favorite Catholic artist:

I'm not sure.

4. Name a work of Catholic fiction which has penetrated your real life:

The Lord of The Rings Trilogy - J.R.R.Tolkein

5. Name your favorite Catholic Musicians - male & female:

John Michael Talbot - is Phil Keaggy a Catholic Again yet?

6. Name your favorite musical:

ummmmm wot?

7. Name a punch line that always makes you laugh: [
Walter Becker - Bob is not your Uncle anymore . . .

Birthday Meme

2008-07-05T10:27:00.004+08:00

Its my birthday tomorrow! 39 and still goovy!

We take off on the ferry to Rottnest early in the morning to have a few days time out but for now here’s a great birthday meme!

The instructions:

1) Go to Wikipedia

2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.

3) List three events that happened on your birthday

4) List two important birthdays and one death

5) One holiday or observance (if any)

Here are mine:

Three things that happened on my birthday

1189 - Richard the Lionheart is crowned King of England.

1535 - Sir Thomas More, author of Utopia and one time Lord Chancellor of England, is executed for treason by King Henry VIII after refusing to agree to Henry's decision to separate the English church from the Roman Catholic church.

1942 - Anne Frank and her family went into hiding in the "Secret Annexe" above her father's office in an Amsterdam warehouse.

Two important birthdays and one death

1865 - Emile Jaques-Dalcroze, Swiss musician (d. 1865)

1936 - Dave Allen, Irish comedian (d. 2005)

1958 - Jennifer Saunders, English actress

Holidays and Observations

Roman festivals: Ludi Apollinares, games in honour of Apollo (since 208 BC) began today.

Feast day of St Maria Goretti.

Feast day of Romulus of Fiesole

Friday 5 - A Purpose-Driven Life?

2008-07-04T14:45:00.004+08:00

A Purpose-Driven Life?

1. What do you think is your purpose in life?
Life is about personal exploration and both living and reflecting on its mystery.
To be the best me I can be, create, communicate and spread some love, joy and peace.

2. What is your greatest gift to the world?
To be my best true self.
Whatever that is and wherever I find it, I offer that wholeness back.
Anything else is a poor copy drawn from poor motives.

3. Is charity important to you? If so, how do you give back?
I give back in small, not large gestures.
Love those closest to you. Live well. Live with honesty,
Support those you love. Create spaces for growth and healing.
Create moments for joy and celebration.

4. Is life worth all the problems in the world?
The world will always have problems.
In some ways globalisation has made things worse.
We see all the worlds huge and aweful issues, but often forget the begger at our door, the addict at our gate. our starving countrymen.
Life, for me, is to begin to see what is around me.
It is a gift I cannot waste, even amidst the hurt.

5. What gets you through the day?
Coffee. Prayer. My kids. My parter. My friends. Music. Good wine and food.
My incredible work place.

Current Music: Crosby, Stills and Nash. The first album.

Current Mood: Level headed and tired.

h/t T.G.I.F.

Do you believe?

2008-07-03T16:10:00.005+08:00

Do you believe in creationism or evolution? Which one makes more sense to you? Why?

This is a big question which seems to matter beyond any to some Christians.

I have to say that it doesn't worry me too much and I tend to sit on the fence.

I am swayed by thinking that looks at the biblical text and asks what the audience was, the context in which it was written, and the cultural understanding 0f what that text would have meant at the time - really trying not to take to much at face value with my judging western mind.

I suppose at the root of it I can accept that either creationism or evolution can be true, but more importantly for me is the loving God behind it all who calls me to realtionship with him/her.

As the Catechism puts it, "... research in all branches of knowledge, provided it is carried out in a truly scientific manner and does not override moral laws, can never conflict with the faith, because the things of the world and the things the of the faith derive from the same God.... The Catholic Church has no fear of science or scientific discovery. (Here)

H/T

that’s my answer!

2008-07-02T15:04:00.002+08:00

Do you read the Bible? If so, what is your favorite Bible story?

Yes I do read the bible most days. At the moment I try to do some Lectio Divina in the early evening using a chapter from each the Old and New Testament. At the moment that is the beginning of Job, and the end of 1 John.

Is it hard work? Yep.
Do I enjoy it? Sometimes.
Am I very faithful to it? Nope
Would I like to be? Yep.

As favourite stories, I think the Road to Emmaus is up there, as is the coming of the Magi.
Loved that since I was a little un.

Pax.

H/T that’s my answer!

Music Meme

2008-06-28T13:56:00.002+08:00

Feel free to play along . . .

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by?

Outright winner in all categories would be Paul Weller - from the Jam through the Style Council and in to the Solo years. AND he's finally coming to Perth in August!!! :)

2. What was the last song you listened to?
“Regret" by New Order, which just flicked across lastfm.com

3. What’s in your record/cd player right now?
The new Walter Becker Album "Circus Money"

4. What song would you say sums you up?
Today it would be Simply Red "Money's too tight to mention" but generally I think Paul Weller's song "Into Tomorrow" pretty much sums me up getting a bit older but having a fair bit of faith in moving on up.

5. What’s your favorite local band?
Eurogliders were pretty damn awesome and souly funky aussie band. Grace Knight had great pipes, and although Bernie couldn't play guitar to save himself, he knew his way around a song.

6. What was the last show you attended?
Steely Dan (OMG!) Sandalford Winery in about 9 degrees freezing cold but AWESOME

7. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?
I don't think I have ever seen a truly GREAT show. Sting in 1988 with that huge band was amazing, as was the Phil Collins gig in 1990 too - but I wouldn't admit that either. Branford Marsalis and his band played in Perth for a jazz festival a few years back and they were VERY special. Paul Weller on August 13 sounds good though!

8. What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert? Never seen a truly bad band apart from mine . . .

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of? Aww thats a tough one. I guess there a few bands you when you read interviews etc you think "what a wally" but love their albums. The first one that comes to mind is Liam from Oasis surprisingly .... !

11. What show are you looking forward to?
Paul Weller, August 13, Challenge Stadium, Perth, Western Australia!

12. What is your favorite band shirt?
A black t-shirt, grey angel tombstone, just says "The Church". Oh yeah do I look hot in that!

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
Outside of Paul Weller or Donald Fagan, I think that if John Coltrane was alive . . .

14. What musician would you like to be in love with for a day?
mmmmmm Joni Mitchell was pretty hot even up until here 50's !!!!

15. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie?
Both crap.

16. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal?
Late punk aka The Jam and other new wave stuff. Pistols were important, but crap. Clash much better.

17. Name 4 flawless albums:
Beatles - Revolver

U2 - The unforgettable fire

Rikki Lee Jones - Pirates

Steely Dan - The Royal Scam

18. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?

I am and I am stand proud.

19. What was the greatest decade for music?
Late 60's / early 70's

20. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own?
Couple..

21. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Love the covers of Beatles songs for "I am Sam"

27. What was your last musical ‘phase’ before you wised up?
Apart from liking Billy Idol early on I have always been a smart sophisticated and discerning listener . . .

28. What’s the crappiest CD/record/etc. you’ve ever bought?
Never really understood Joy Division.

Bought a record by Matching Mole once which got 1/2 a listen . . .

29. Do you prefer vinyl or CDs?
Ummm. CD's I think, but there is something almost mystical about putting an LP on . .

Hat tip to Where worlds Collide for the meme

role out of the eighties b

2008-06-24T12:21:00.003+08:00

so i leave school
full of plans for music girls n more music
break my arm on the holidays before
so magically avoiding doing my audition for the course
survive first 1/2 of semester
date a lovely girl
get close
breakup
but we're still friends even now
go on a camp
meet another girl
get really close
we go out for a couple o years
she is great
lots of love n
well, you know wot young people do . . .
lots of music besides that
playing my horns during the day
reading the scores and discovering
debussy n saint saens n satie
early music n renaissance stuff
experiment with sackbuts n the like
enjoy being arty farty n
almost being encouraged to do so
start playing on some peoples tapes n cd's
not an easy gig for a young muso
heres the track
heres the key
we want you to play something cool here
no not that
no not that either
oh thats sort of it
oh forget my ideas -what do you want to play?
anyway
sure you get the idea
it was fun
sometimes i got paid
sometimes it was for love
sometimes it was all night and i'd meet mates for brekkie n
then fall asleep in my girls bed
life went on
i formed bands
joined bands
did some stuff
played lots around the place
with various levels of success
broke up with girl and got crushed
took ages to get over it
my folks didnt really get it
thought it was just some crush
but it was the real deal
at least
as real as a 19 year old gets to experience
anyway
we are still friends now too
even thought it has taken us 10 years to get connected again
anyway the 80's ended
with me and a mate watching frank zappa and a super funky band
playing late on news years eve 1989
i was still young
bit more battered n bruised
but still full of energy
full of hopeful creativity
n wondering what the 90's
would bring?

role into the eighties a

2008-06-22T20:33:00.004+08:00

yeah well

the eighties

you sorta had to be there I guess

don't wanna dwell too much on school

it was there

so was i

got beat up a bit

usually 'cos i was a muso and not a sporty dude

sang in a genuine working church choir

learnt my trade there

taught my ears to work

to hear inside the sounds

to sing harmony

to love the purity of early music n chant

yeah it was a good footing

but also i learnt the faith through singing these ancient words

of motets n masses n magnificats

the eighties for seemed to be a schizophrenic moment

between the classical music world of my school life

choir n clarinet

n my discovery of the rock world just beginning to come into bloom

it is still taking years for me to try n

bring these two into some sort of harmony

or maybe realize I don't need to

they can feed each other without

me having to perform some sort of symbiotic dance

anyway

i woke up singing shout to the top one morning

and that was it

went out and bought the style councils cafe bleu that morning

which to reading some paul weller interviews

as if they were the bible itself

(i remember a girlfriend once asking me if all the linear notes

actually mattered . . .

e i was mortally wounded!)

anyway

obsessed might be an understatement...

there was so much souly jazz stuff

n i was diggin' it all

sade

sting and those unbelievable jazz musicians

british band working week

prefab sprout

some cool post-mod stuff too

the house martens were a fave

started a bit of politics in me too

anyway

i borrowed an old guitar from school over a holiday

and strummed my way into the future

wrote bad songs based on only e minor and d

school ended

thank god

went to uni

more music

but that freends

is a tale

for another day.

super seventies part 2

2008-06-21T17:42:00.002+08:00

right o

mid seventies becomes a shocker

all disco n glitter

punk comes n goes

somethings remain the same

i'm at school

learning

sorta fitting in

not so great at sport

not so bad at thinking

very good a la musica

parents doing hippy charismaticy christian thing

didn't do it for me

still doesn't

shocking photo of me mid seventies wedding

brown corduroy flares

gold skivvy

brown desert boots

bronze medallion

no wonder I wanted to be a mod when I figured it out

anyway

those few years pass

i dig lego

start recorder playing

read lots

myths n legends n narnia n earthsea my faves

if those names mean nothing to ya then get yourself together and by the texts

dr who fills my imagination and almost suffocates me

then

almost to the day

i can remember

new years eve 1979

heading into the eighties

my old dad and i still up latish watching the telly

i'm about 10 1/2

and on comes a retrospective of "popular music" in the seventies

not much I recall

except afros n guitars

les pauls stood out in my mind

but the sounds

began to fill my imagination

took years for all of this to bear fruit

maybe it still hasn't

but i began to dig stuff then

not really buy lps or singles

but just take notice

realise there was something to this stuff'

that my parents didn't get

gave me a special feeling

to think I was one up on them anyway!

the seventies part 1

2008-06-19T11:07:00.004+08:00

I was 6 months
when the super seventies began
started innocuously enough i guess
all nappies n bottles n terry toweling wonder suits
i was probably happy then
all my needs met i guess
then
inevitably you start to grow
memories become firmer
become clearer
the house we lived in
sorrento victoria
on the coast - wild and woolly
life-taking back beach
summer holiday makers
learning to read
little bro pk turns up
and so begins another adventure
we lived there till 75
only real memories are of
Suzy the dog
a thundery night hiding under a table
n doing belly flops in a little paddling pool outside
not much hey?
anyhoo
we move to reservoir on melbournes outskirts
so begins some of my obsessions
working classness
inner city life
liturgy n church
music . . .
apparently we'd go to bed and then mum n dad would put on lps
i'd float out of bed
like a moth to a flame
n lie outside the lounge room doors
n fall asleep listening to the sounds
guess i just couldn't fight it huh?
School too
moved around a bit
first a little hippy parent controlled thing
cant remember much bout it
then a grammar school
quite liked early school
but even then
liked my own company
a few close mates
usually from other places
music again seemed to feature pretty strongly
recorder group
choir
loved singing hymns
remember i made a guitar out of an old juice bottle once
didn't last long
but became a bit of an omen
of darker things to come . . .