I was made for Afternoons

head exploding full of plans pulling me this way n that all about whats next what are the options no more study time to do some living perhaps some changing what do the next 20 years hold? where do i want to live? how can i follow my passions? what is worth pursuing? what parts of my life need a desperate prune? what is life giving healing loving? there is an urgency here somewhat perhaps i'm a little preemptive but I see time slip slip slipping away there is so much beauty to see so many experiences yet to have but its not all chasing part of me feels the need to jump (but not off a bridge my friends) to cast off to let go and see where i land holding all this in tension with a beautiful girl the prince and the poet n the hound the basic needs of life can make it seem impossible but to set aside will not help this river keeps flowing the voice keep whispering the heart keeps calling perhaps as old Joe Campbel l said it really is...

150kms North of Perth, I am on retreat at New Norcia. Love been here - it is quiet, ordered and offers space for reflection, and of course, prayer. But I am finding that this time, it is hard to settle in. I suspect this is the result of a frenetic first week at school, and some of the  inner stuff that I came here to address. The pervading questions I have on my mind are " Where am I heading " and " Whats next?" This is not the first time for these query's however. In the past they generally led to a change of job, and in a big move, to joining the Catholic Church. This feels slightly different. I love my job, the many different people I work with, and the personal growth that come out of these close relationships. I couldn't imagine a better place for me right now. I love my family and social life. My immediate family are incredible, and my friends faithful and life-giving. I think I am talking about vision.  Maybe I am asking: What is ...

 In this no-mans land of Ordinary Time until Ash Wednesday, I am turning to the Philokalia - a collection of Spiritual writing form the Orthodox East. Whilst I have had a copy sitting on my shelves for years, this is the first time I have read it with any intent. I am especially looking at Cassians "on the eight vices".   John Cassian is an important figure in monastic life, his Conferences and Institutes containing teaching which still resonates across the Monastic East and West.  "The Eight Vices" is a reflection on those areas in our lives which bring us pain and suffering (perhaps we could even say sin?) because we fail to address them in the light of the spirit. Day 1 : On Control of the Stomach.  To eat moderately and reasonably is to keep the body in health, not to deprive it of holiness Cassian show his sense of balance immediately, beginning this discussion about the use and misuse of food immediately. Not everyone can follow the same rule of eating,...

the lull continues 08 09 just days of distant past another man another life same issues same gifts less strength perhaps more insight hopefully deeper if not wider still keeping the flame still asking why still wanting more still wanting it all dreaming hoping praying looking for the secret key looking through the dross looking for signs  of love of life these days of christmas the day itself slip sliding away continue the celebration we cook we eat we drink we share with friends we recover we sleep - lots - the heat suffocating the sport awful pages if new books turned music played repeatedly emails ignored happy christmas season my friends n fiends god be with  you

my soul is tired but my hands want to keep being busy my mind restless but full of plans the days of christmas and summer stretch before me like fresh paper a beach in winter a monks cell these days of opportunity a paradox to not do: is to heal is to just be: frustrating leaving the year behind and moving forward a challenge. Sleep. Wine. Silence. Prayer. Zen. Friends. Walks. Love. My solution.

day of sun of coffee and pancakes of endurance through long afternoons (Which as you are aware - I was made for) today's theme at the temple life after death the great wide open (to quote Tom P) the beyond when love finally conquers all . . . strange how death brings up so many emotions for us fear dread denial as if that breath you just took will go on forever the older i get the less i fear perhaps I am just fooling myself but there is nothing to fear in the hands of the mystery in the end there is only love to be loved is to be held to be safe to be known for who you truly are St Iraneus used to say be fully alive for there is no greater return for the gift of life i want to feel it all to go deep to do the really true stuff to discover who I am who you are sometimes this is all too much it requires too much leaving too much unknowing which makes me panic and freeze but we must go on when the last breath ...

some days just blah who am i kidding? what do i know about entering the mystery? about anything actually i get insecure i get lost i get confused i stuff up i stuff down two steps forward and one step back now, i know freends this is just the way of it but geezzzzzeeee you'd think after all this time on the road i'd be a little surer a little sounder. this way of casting off is not the easy path its the listening game to yourself to the other to the mystery only travelling with what is needed the one word the single sign the burning coal i do know i believe in love this stays with me when everything else seems to leave i'm a sucker for the romantic the boy meets girl magic makes the world go round and if it goes right then we are all the better for it its only the little story of the big one the love which enfolds sustains creates forgives and renews but still it matters to me. i hope you are in love my friends. i h...