december heart

my soul is tired
but
my hands want to keep being busy
my mind restless
but
full of plans

the days of christmas and summer
stretch before me
like
fresh paper
a beach in winter
a monks cell

these days of opportunity
a paradox
to not do:
is to heal
is to just be:
frustrating
leaving the year behind and moving forward
a challenge.

Sleep.
Wine.
Silence.
Prayer.
Zen.
Friends.
Walks.
Love.

My solution.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I remember...
Two 18 year olds- both felt called by God to a life of full-time ministry..but also passionate about music and teaching..embarking on study for the latter.
Years later- for this ex-18 year old, nothing has seemed to satisfy for very long..and i feel that God has not "changed His mind" about wanting me in ministry.
I have decided to change course and go for serving God full-time, and a peace and confirmation has settled on me like nothing before.
And then I thought about you..you often seem so sad..is there a chance God hasn't changed his mind about you either?
(Remember Beatles on two headsets in library in case you have no idea who this is from !!)
6:51 PM
Chris Kan said…
I know who you are. :)
And just a few memories there!

If i seem sad through what I write (and maybe in person?) sometimes it because having lived life very closely to others, sharing their suff which is what I do, i have lost a bit of strength and energy. Whilst the happiness may be absent sometimes, the deeper stream, Joy, is ever present, if I can be still long enough to feel it.

As for ministry, well, every breath is a moment to enter into what God is communicating and share that with others. I know only too well that for me now, being still and silent, going deeper into the mystery, is what God is asking. Besides that, I am not overly sure about conventional hierachical minitry models anyway. This is not to critize others, but only from my place of thinking.

Thanks for commenting. You are such a good friend.
12:29 PM
Anonymous said…
Glad to hear it Chris, sounds like you are a bit more "sorted" than me!
8:56 PM
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