december heart

my soul is tired
but
my hands want to keep being busy
my mind restless
but
full of plans

the days of christmas and summer
stretch before me
like
fresh paper
a beach in winter
a monks cell

these days of opportunity
a paradox
to not do:
is to heal
is to just be:
frustrating
leaving the year behind and moving forward
a challenge.

Sleep.
Wine.
Silence.
Prayer.
Zen.
Friends.
Walks.
Love.

My solution.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I remember...
Two 18 year olds- both felt called by God to a life of full-time ministry..but also passionate about music and teaching..embarking on study for the latter.
Years later- for this ex-18 year old, nothing has seemed to satisfy for very long..and i feel that God has not "changed His mind" about wanting me in ministry.
I have decided to change course and go for serving God full-time, and a peace and confirmation has settled on me like nothing before.
And then I thought about you..you often seem so sad..is there a chance God hasn't changed his mind about you either?
(Remember Beatles on two headsets in library in case you have no idea who this is from !!)
6:51 PM
Chris Kan said…
I know who you are. :)
And just a few memories there!

If i seem sad through what I write (and maybe in person?) sometimes it because having lived life very closely to others, sharing their suff which is what I do, i have lost a bit of strength and energy. Whilst the happiness may be absent sometimes, the deeper stream, Joy, is ever present, if I can be still long enough to feel it.

As for ministry, well, every breath is a moment to enter into what God is communicating and share that with others. I know only too well that for me now, being still and silent, going deeper into the mystery, is what God is asking. Besides that, I am not overly sure about conventional hierachical minitry models anyway. This is not to critize others, but only from my place of thinking.

Thanks for commenting. You are such a good friend.
12:29 PM
Anonymous said…
Glad to hear it Chris, sounds like you are a bit more "sorted" than me!
8:56 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mad Men 101

Thanks to a conservative blog for peace I have become quite intrigued by with US series “Mad men”. For most Australians this is quite an unknown program, the second series being premiered this Sunday night on specialized broadcaster SBS, leaving us well behind the US which is currently airing the fourth series. For those who don’t know, Mad Men takes place in the early 1960’s, varying its setting between the main characters Advertising office workspace, their homes and social lives. As the series progresses we discover that the characters are not at all what they seem, both outwardly and inwardly, as we journey with them through the historical events and changing social patterns which have influenced so much of our modern culture. It is this historical element which captured me. The ways husbands, wives and children inter-related. The constant smoking and drinking. The more relaxed pace of life. Infidelity and the subsequent risks and consequences. Psycho-analysis just beginning ...
Read more

Spiritual Friends - Henri Nouwen

Image
I thought I might write a short series of posts about Spiritual Friends - those writers and people who have influenced my spiritual growth and contributed to my search for God. Henri Nouwen, the Dutch Catholic  priest,  was the first writer who really captured my imagination about what it meant to be a spiritual being and take the search for God seriously.  I can see my life in both before and after discovering Nouwen stages! My dad suggested I read "Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery" with the words. "I think you'll like this. If you do you won't be able to put it down and then you'll want to read all his books!". He was right. I counsumed the book in about two days and then began buying/borrowing/scrounging for more! Loads has been written about Nouwen, and you can get lots of information from the society website. His personal influence in my life really falls into three  - disciplines, community, and freedom.  Disciplines : Henri was big...
Read more