Long time gone – or why being a forty something matters

The aim of this page is to write about 500 words a week about something which matters to me, and maybe you too . . .

I turned 41 a week ago – but save your celebration or tears and call me a therapist.  

Last year I celebrated the beginning of my midlife with friends and wine and music at a friendly inner city café. It was a great night and some time later I thought “40’s don’t seem so bad, let the adventure begin!”  I was in good health, I had plans, I was more financially secure than ever, I was loved, I was happy. 2011 finds me with all of that still holding true, Global Financial Crisis notwithstanding.

Despite all these positives, I can’t seem to shake a nagging sense of worry about myself, and about the future. The experts have been telling us for years (and please don’t expect me to quote them directly) that the world is changing at an ever-increasing rate, and that we’d all better get used to it. I can almost feel it in my bones. What worry’s me is not change, I’m a gen x’er after all, but watching how those of a similar age around me are coping with it all.

One option seems to be ( and no finger pointing here) to try and make yourself as young as possible and try ignoring that aging happens at all - party like a 20-something, get “Inked” (tattoos), go to an endless procession of younger bands and nightclubs, wear all the latest “youth” clothing.  Whilst I certainly still enjoy a drink or three, and love my music loud, I am actually glad that period of my life is over and have absolutely no desire to back!

On the other hand, you could grab a cardigan and a good book and never go out again.  After all there is much to be disappointed about. Today’s music is rubbish, people are rude, Television has nothing on to like, and there is just not enough energy to do anything anyway. This is the fall back position, and I suspect we have all been there. Whilst living this way is safe and warm, I want a little more out of life that what it offers.

Being a musician of sorts, I looked to my heroes to see how they are holding up, both personally and artistically, in the face of the inevitable. Neil Finn, Steve Kilbey, Neil Young, the Steely Dan boys and especially Joni Mitchell and David Byrne (from Talking Heads), all seem to have kept, despite their sometimes flawed humanity, a personal and artistic integrity. They have kept relationships on track and taken care of their physicality. No longer teen idols, they have matured and remained relevant by bringing their experienced and self-reflective voices to their work.

So as usual, I am walking down the middle of the road, dodging the traffic in both directions: don’t want to be a teenager, but I’m not ready for the retirement home yet either.  Maybe that’s the hope for me. Whilst I struggle to inhabit the space between youth and old age with integrity and passion, at least I know I’m alive and growing. Settling for anything less may as well mean the beginning of the end .