back to the beginning . . . again

Term has just ended and I am at the beginning of a two week stretch of holidays.


I feel spent emotionally, spiritually, physically - and on top of that, I just turned 42, and unusually  for me, I am not sure how I feel about that - just pretty bland actually.

Ministry certainly has it's highs and lows and the last 6 months have taught me both where my strengths lie (working with people, hearing their stories and sharing their journey) and my weaknesses (my seeming inability to say no, not being able to jump from context to context as easily as I once did, not keeping my inner life nourished when stress creeps in).

Not being one to easily keep resolutions, I am thinking about what I can put in place to keep me  on a far more even keel in the future. My work place have certainly listened to my concerns and my recent appraisal suggested that I be given more time in m job for reflection and spirituality work. Despite all of this, I still have to have both the fortitude and the grace to do it!

I have been working on a personal vision statement which is certainly helpful, and I am going to pick up some spiritual leadership training as well during the rest of the year. All of this will offer me much I am sure, but the hours of silent prayer, of lectio divina,  of Eucharist, seem to be more and more likely to be the key. I remember a very wise monk, now an abbot, talking to me about the Liturgy of the Hours. His comment was something along the lines of "When you are going to pray, how does it fit with whatever else is going on in your life?". It's taken me years to work that one through but now prayer seems like it has to be the centre out of which all the rest will flow - because without it, I draw on my own too human resources, and end up, well . . .  Here.