I was made for Afternoons

swapped my friends guitar for her 12 the extra set of strings creating a harmonic texture and universe which tantalizes and enchants the fullness of sound complete on its own thickens thin melodies drones with beauty and could possibly make a great coffee anyway nice guitar gonna record some new tunes with it tomorrow.

morning after the night before friends around in the afternoon heat sipping g&t vino- bianco n amber ale the children play we celebrate our national day families gathered from all corners of the world sun sets children play meals are served talk ensues new friendships form - long may they last! then the short stroll up the hill we view the fireworks with the neighbours children scream n shout run riot jump on the back of utes listen to the dreary sound track watch the coloured lights exploding in the sky we trip home children fall asleep in the glow of coloured globes muscat is drunk spirits revive farewells given sleep comes dreams begins

days lose their names and time slips away a paul weller book the reinvention of the man washed up at 32 many said lost the gift the purple patch was final irrelevant a has been and then wildwood 1993 a kicking tour and rockin band live cover of ohio which will fry your brain you can see it h ere battled depression loss of record contract band following self esteem and still came out of it i love some of the quotes in this book "no one can take away my talent" - him quoting mavin gaye on himself: "We all mess up if we're lucky But don't let anyone deter you from your dream, your thing. Take it to the hilt, you can only fail. Sometimes you can sail" and "I still have this feeling that my time is yet to come." Anyway thanks again Paul the songs still lift me up when I am blue

moments of madness holes in my soul the bottom drops out the wave immanent crashing around me for long moments outside of time quick sand into which I fall no help for this heart though surrounded by love by all he wanted. . . despair appears from nowhere clothed in whimsy dressed in rags appearing as a ghost of time the present moment obscured I live in the unknown future and the unchangeable past i ring old friends my voice a moment of their history we talk catch up exchange stories of our children n lives make unsure plans to meet it eases me for a while probably freaks them out oh well this desperate need to be connected with myself with my legacy or something i write i talk i sit silent i don't cry - its not like that is this midlife? this radical disconnection? is this growth or guilt? hurt depression pain? none of this capture it a dark night of some sort there is no blame i am aware of the mystery that i am in it not trying to solve anything don't think i want to i am j...

strange times within me freends . . . often in January my usual 5 weeks or so of rest i find my creative juices returning my desires strengthening evaluation memory n hope walk hand in hand within me this year is no different but with a desire to tie loose ends find old friends who have skirted under the radar maybe its just getting older maybe its my psychological state but i wouldn't want to comment on that here so i've made some calls cruised the net turned the pages followed up leads contacted the living hoped prayed dreamt now i hope for a chat a drink a reminisce so look out friends 'specially you old ones! I'm comin ' for ya Josephine! Dave! Anthea! or alternatively you could just leave me a line on how to get to ya and save me the stress! Love ya Christy

Not sure if I should be writing this here, but no where else to put it! A mate and I joked last night that our nu ears resolution was to have no New Years resolutions But I have a couple of things I want to take up and a couple of things I want to leave behind. I want to live life with more rigour more intensity physical stuff intellectual stuff spiritual stuff I feel like I was a bit soft this year . . . being a bit unhappy at my old job n then taking up a new one means spending a lot of time thinking planning being a bit low etc etc etc this also means passions like cooking n prayer n cricket n music n stuff disappear like puffs of smoke but not this year. I want that stuff back... I want to immerse myself more in catholic tradition i am tired of trying to live in two worlds i'm really tired of fresh expressions of church of emerging stuff too of streets which are interesting but seem to be leading me (not everyone) nowhere I need to leave well enough alone sometimes... I'm t...