I was made for Afternoons

strolling the puppy ipod blaring me favourite tunes a little sanctuary whilst exercising the heart thinking i think more clearly when i'm walking. this little audience you n me freends just the two of us talking n thinking trying to get ya to think to feel how i feel see things my way is it a huge exercise in ego a desperate need to connect or a hobby a lite diversion for the soul?

today day of talk with the nurse who took my bp (still high btw) finding out she has completed her degree only a short time ago after been a nurse in a hospital for ages and talking bout my new job n all that means with a fellow traveller about power structures about hierarchy about decision making about families about change and all of this in a library of all places with my lovely assistant who listens to me reassures me praises me blows up my ego like a balloon reflects with me laughs at my silliness n loves me nonetheless with the prince and poet in da auto on da way to school bout helping n obeying n other boring stuff and bless em they quoted me back word for word on the way home! with the Lord of all without words but with love sometimes in fear but with hope longing for silence seeking it there and hoping to stay

stopped wound down out to lunch pausing a complete stand still holy-day down time a night i'd rather forget poet and mrs each ill baths n buckets n sips of water has led to a day which I needed unable to go out for breakfast unable to drive one and one half hours to visit my parents unable to be at the temple instead late up books television computer a walk napping a coffee soup the littlies are unsure how to handle this and i realise for all my piousness about space n prayer n time we are as driven as the next fam n need to stop for our lives for my heart for our faith for each other and just be. blessing to you this day freends

recovered from yesterdays drs visit n blowing up the ecg machine by having two littilies for a sleepova then an early morning tis a wonder the ticker didn't crack a wobbly n stop right then. after the weekend morning rite of car cafe coffee coming-to-my-senses we went to see roly the clown at a local holy place n the kids loved it n he was funny n made a lot of jokes about church structures n stuff a brilliant one about archbishops coming out which the littlies missed altogether thank goodness he balanced n juggled threw in bit of the mystery story n it was great loads a kids n parents n fun n food how the universe should be but what was not so great was the sheer volume of crossed frocked collared professionals wandering around with an air of confidence in their relevance simply by being there smiling benignly proud to holy men n women i always struggle with this one half of me wants out there un ashamedly self possessed faith the other half knows hiddenness and darkness ...

fear loneliness agitation more fear my heart beating like a bat out of hell (sorry Mr Loaf) connected to a machine for a short time counting the beats (or lack of) from my heart eager dr watching the screen until it broke thats right i broke the machine or my heart did no means to record the beat the hip hop trance of my life source broken heart breaking heart achy breaky ... sorry folks. but as it appears i am ok heart doing a few back flips a few beats disappearing in the ether but all normal besides so in the modern way knowing that i am ok we send the mystic man for a battery of tests to cover the medical profession to pursue what we know is not there for fear of retribution. How much of what we do is governed by fear of what others will do? cash opinion social status all can be undone by anothers hate or so called "rights" their greed to control have you not seen this freends the scramble for the top the lust for more desire for that which we have not original sin re...

re listening to the latest crowdies album more this week neil is concerned with deeper things than usual the opening track nobody wants to a meditation on our personal and societal reluctance to discuss death and pain in any way we used to cry we used to say why it sometimes seems like years of trying to break the cycle of the alpha macho male have achieved nothing those men i know well just seemed confused actually we don't what we are or what we're meant to be and we're lucky we have women in our lives who let us explore next track don't stop now... is the devil gunna track me down... sometimes you have turn the wrong way round.. have you been there? when the only way back to redemption of some sort or another seems to beto reinvent yourself maybe going back the way you've come but with new eyes maybe doing all you didn't do the first time around later songs take up connected themes but theres time for them another day for now i am encouraged that someone is a...

the littlies back today yesterday i spent half the clock talking about progress about what had been done n undone about the future and the past some heard it well some didn't want to hear that all was not well with their offspring (sigh) i see it i really do but the truth is not easy anytime and especially when the children are little and are only beginning this great journey we expect fully formed little humans the opportunities for exploration for growth for delving n diving are small no more after school by the creek tearing around town on your bike playing street football with ya mates now its all catch up worksheets french horn lessons Chinese whispers dancing hedgehog training god, what a mess we are making over stimulated under creative tired stressed under tens we expect brilliance in everything no time for failure for learning its all win win win now now now succeed succeed succeed take take take take beat beat beat higher faster longer more more more what a disease my rep...