and then i broke it

fear
loneliness
agitation
more fear
my heart beating like a bat out of hell
(sorry Mr Loaf)
connected to a machine for a short time
counting the beats (or lack of)
from my heart
eager dr watching the screen
until it broke
thats right
i broke the machine
or my heart did
no means to record
the beat
the hip hop trance of my life source
broken heart
breaking heart
achy breaky ...
sorry folks.
but as it appears
i am ok
heart doing a few back flips
a few beats disappearing in the ether
but all normal besides
so in the modern way
knowing that i am ok
we send the mystic man
for a battery of tests
to cover the medical profession
to pursue what we know is not there
for fear of retribution.
How much of what we do
is governed by fear of what others will do?
cash
opinion
social status
all can be undone by anothers
hate
or so called "rights"
their greed to control
have you not seen this freends
the scramble for the top
the lust for more
desire for that which we have not
original sin returns
we seek to control
to have
to own
to manipulate and scheme
things haven't changed that much from Eve really
my poor overworked GP
listening
n loving me
trying to work it all out
seeking to do her best
is part of this cycle
i wonder if I hadn't broken her machine
if all had been well
whether I would have all these
tests to pass
or if we would have parted as friends
with a smile
and a nod
or an understanding?
and then the world
would have been
a better place
i
think.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

rite ritual catholicism and doing lenten penance

so here's where the truth comes out many of you know that I was received into the catholic church nearly 5 years ago now at New Norcia Easter 2002 it was majestic and beautiful the right thing for me in all ways and then... finding a catholic home has been harder than i could have ever thought i love the monks the liturgy the silence the sacramental life the beauty of the worship a noble simplicity but local parishes give me the whoops good liturgy in Perth is hard to find... so i drifted back to my wife's parish whilst i couldn't stand the "worship" the new minister is a good guy accepted me for what i am and needed my help for ideas about the church year and structuring services and taize and all that is good and great and i felt needed and useful but... in that lies the rub. not finding what I need but just putting up with where they need me not being true to my confirmation beliefs especially eucharistically but settling for something else than what i believe
Read more

december heart

my soul is tired but my hands want to keep being busy my mind restless but full of plans the days of christmas and summer stretch before me like fresh paper a beach in winter a monks cell these days of opportunity a paradox to not do: is to heal is to just be: frustrating leaving the year behind and moving forward a challenge. Sleep. Wine. Silence. Prayer. Zen. Friends. Walks. Love. My solution.
Read more

Mad Men 101

Thanks to a conservative blog for peace I have become quite intrigued by with US series “Mad men”. For most Australians this is quite an unknown program, the second series being premiered this Sunday night on specialized broadcaster SBS, leaving us well behind the US which is currently airing the fourth series. For those who don’t know, Mad Men takes place in the early 1960’s, varying its setting between the main characters Advertising office workspace, their homes and social lives. As the series progresses we discover that the characters are not at all what they seem, both outwardly and inwardly, as we journey with them through the historical events and changing social patterns which have influenced so much of our modern culture. It is this historical element which captured me. The ways husbands, wives and children inter-related. The constant smoking and drinking. The more relaxed pace of life. Infidelity and the subsequent risks and consequences. Psycho-analysis just beginning
Read more