facing the panel

day comes round without any help
good sleep
long walk
marking the minutes until da time
suit
tie
watch
nervous wee

shaky drive down road
then sit n breathe
n breathe
watch the birds in the trees
channel the mystery the divine love inside
relax
it is all a game
new job old job
this chance n that
change the circumstances but not the man

so i opened the door
n met the panel
da boss
da priest
da deputy dan
question n answers
careful looks n silence
then its over
40 minutes of life invested

then questions
self evaluation
flagellation
recrimination
sensation
but how can you get to no a soul
from 8 sheets of paper n
a forty minute chat?
can you see who they could be?
what they could bring?
who they are
really
underneath it all?

so now I wait
slightly less than patiently
for a call
n pretend to be nonchalant

to see

this way

or that

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