gotta make a break

holidays
holy-days
ho-lee daze (the little known contemplative chemist from mainland china)
whatever
they are here
here they are
and here i am
in them
plans always feature
when you have a break
maybe the need to do
even when you get time off
is an in-built human drive
perhaps it is just a protestant work ethic disaster
i should've left behind when i was younger
so today i sit
look at my to-do list and sigh
it all seems too hard actually
a whole lot of guff to make others happy
i want to sit in the sun
i want to drink wine
i want to get my energy back
i want to play guitar
i want to read my books
i want to write on my blog
i want to sit for hours and think about what i want
i want to pray
i want to visit gallerys n museums
i want to play with my kids
i want to watch rain fall
i want to listen to cd's
i just want to be
i want to live and let live
i want to love
n the funny thing is
i was taught that what "i want" is selfish
dunno where i got this from...
but its not
i have decided
i don't want so that others don't have what they want
i don't want to make me bigger
i don't want so i have "power" - whatever that means
i don't want for my own gain
i don't want to hurt (me or anyone...)
maybe i'm wrong
(sigh)
whatever.

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