gotta make a break

holidays
holy-days
ho-lee daze (the little known contemplative chemist from mainland china)
whatever
they are here
here they are
and here i am
in them
plans always feature
when you have a break
maybe the need to do
even when you get time off
is an in-built human drive
perhaps it is just a protestant work ethic disaster
i should've left behind when i was younger
so today i sit
look at my to-do list and sigh
it all seems too hard actually
a whole lot of guff to make others happy
i want to sit in the sun
i want to drink wine
i want to get my energy back
i want to play guitar
i want to read my books
i want to write on my blog
i want to sit for hours and think about what i want
i want to pray
i want to visit gallerys n museums
i want to play with my kids
i want to watch rain fall
i want to listen to cd's
i just want to be
i want to live and let live
i want to love
n the funny thing is
i was taught that what "i want" is selfish
dunno where i got this from...
but its not
i have decided
i don't want so that others don't have what they want
i don't want to make me bigger
i don't want so i have "power" - whatever that means
i don't want for my own gain
i don't want to hurt (me or anyone...)
maybe i'm wrong
(sigh)
whatever.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

rite ritual catholicism and doing lenten penance

so here's where the truth comes out many of you know that I was received into the catholic church nearly 5 years ago now at New Norcia Easter 2002 it was majestic and beautiful the right thing for me in all ways and then... finding a catholic home has been harder than i could have ever thought i love the monks the liturgy the silence the sacramental life the beauty of the worship a noble simplicity but local parishes give me the whoops good liturgy in Perth is hard to find... so i drifted back to my wife's parish whilst i couldn't stand the "worship" the new minister is a good guy accepted me for what i am and needed my help for ideas about the church year and structuring services and taize and all that is good and great and i felt needed and useful but... in that lies the rub. not finding what I need but just putting up with where they need me not being true to my confirmation beliefs especially eucharistically but settling for something else than what i believe
Read more

december heart

my soul is tired but my hands want to keep being busy my mind restless but full of plans the days of christmas and summer stretch before me like fresh paper a beach in winter a monks cell these days of opportunity a paradox to not do: is to heal is to just be: frustrating leaving the year behind and moving forward a challenge. Sleep. Wine. Silence. Prayer. Zen. Friends. Walks. Love. My solution.
Read more

Mad Men 101

Thanks to a conservative blog for peace I have become quite intrigued by with US series “Mad men”. For most Australians this is quite an unknown program, the second series being premiered this Sunday night on specialized broadcaster SBS, leaving us well behind the US which is currently airing the fourth series. For those who don’t know, Mad Men takes place in the early 1960’s, varying its setting between the main characters Advertising office workspace, their homes and social lives. As the series progresses we discover that the characters are not at all what they seem, both outwardly and inwardly, as we journey with them through the historical events and changing social patterns which have influenced so much of our modern culture. It is this historical element which captured me. The ways husbands, wives and children inter-related. The constant smoking and drinking. The more relaxed pace of life. Infidelity and the subsequent risks and consequences. Psycho-analysis just beginning
Read more