still here in the morning

grey and deary morning
spots of rain on the windows
movies
milk
mushrooms
the day begins and we wonder
what will it hold
i saw my father yesterday
a shape
kept alive by
machines n bags n pipes
lovely young doctor
spoke
oh so briefly to us
there’s nothing
in all the tests
must be a
hidden infection
or evil virus
that snuck in when no one was
looking
he’ll stay here a while
she said
as if he had any choice
unconscious
unaware
unable to do anything but
be there
so we watched him
in pairs
while around us the buzz and
grind of the icu
continued
without abate
hushed and serious
machines ringing
family pacing
holy men of all sizes and shapes
coming and going
offering blessings and love
from their deity
i stand with my mother
watching
silent
my fathers shape
all of him that seems to be fully there
real
my theology seems useless now
what do I know anyway?
but this man is clinging to life
and that miracle
is one
i wasn’t
expecting
so i continue
still
here
waiting

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